Category: Daily Life

An express checkout at a supermarket in Kirchberg was in chaos earlier today after a shopper carried out a number of steps to ensure that their transaction generally went as slowly as possible.

Shortly after 2pm at Auchan in Kirchberg, a 76-year-old man approached the checkout operator with a copy of The Letzebuerger Wort and two litres of semi-skimmed milk, and witnesses described a ‘queue of 30 shoppers’ that had formed within a couple of minutes.

A group of French bankers were talking extra loudly in a bar on Thursday evening after work in order to make people think they are successful.

The three men arrive every day in Luxembourg after travelling from Thionville and Metz, and after a hard day in the office, like nothing more than to go out and show everyone around them that they work in a bank in Luxembourg.

“I only work in admin,” said one of the bankers, “but it’s all about talking and laughing as loudly as possible, to make people think you are really senior.”

One of the other bankers admitted that he can’t afford the expensive drinks, but added “it’s all about showing that you have money to gain respect from your shallow friends. Once you have that, everyone in the bar will think you are cool.”

“We go out at least two nights a week, especially Fridays, which is when we really show off.” Said the third banker. “We don’t really have any taste in music, so we just go to wherever we feel we can show off and be seen drinking bottles we can’t afford.”

A young couple wanting to settle down and get prepared for children have decided to buy an over-priced city centre apartment, currently being constructed 5 metres away from a popular Nightlife area.

The area is home to many bars, clubs and restaurants and has been there since over 100 years.

Costing over 650,000 euros, this apartment venture seems to be the only way the couple can still appear to be popular and fashionable.

“We never really went out as much as we claimed to,” claimed the man. “We never even had that many real friends, but we felt it would be the right choice to move as close to the noisy nightlife as possible, so we can try to get a feel for what’s cool these days”.

His new wife continued; “It just seems like the perfect place to raise a baby or young child. It’s the biggest investment we are ever likely to make in our lifetimes, so we want it to be as central as possible.”

“We are especially looking forward to calling the Police at 3 in the morning to complain.” The man said excitedly. “Most of our lives we were rejected by fun people because we didn’t understand how to just have fun, now we are the ones stopping the fun and being a real pain in the ass, it’s a great feeling.”

A city centre man was today feeling very empty after spending almost half his salary on 2 bottles of Champagne.

The man spent most of the night in an expensive city centre discotheque where he was befriended by 2 women who “seemed to be really into” him at the start of the night.

Immediately counting his blessings, he ordered an expensive bottle of Champagne to be delivered with a sparkler across the room to where they were standing.

“We were getting on great! We had a long talk about politics and about my job in a bank doing fund accountancy,” he said. “The club was getting busier, and after a while the girls started to seem less interested, I don’t know why, so I ordered another bottle of Champagne with a sparkler on top, so that everyone in the club would notice me with the girls. But nobody seemed to care or notice, the girls disappeared and now I’m broke.”

With 3 weeks to go until pay day and rent on the apartment due, it’s going to be a long month for this man.

Luxembourg government today made the decision to change the status of road and construction workers from Civil Servants, to Artists.

The unusual decision was made based on the amount of time it takes to finish a project.

A government spokesman said: “Based on the amount of time it takes to finish the average small road or construction project, we have made this decision in order to showcase the works from these ‘nouveau artistes’ to local businesses, citizens and tourists passing in the streets. It gives them an opportunity to see and hear real street art while going about their daily business.”

Another spokesman said: “The fact is, good art takes time. And with the amount of time it takes them to complete even the smallest of projects, it certainly should be a work of art. By handing this issue over to the Ministry of Culture, we are supporting local artists and workers at the same time.”