French Hunting Season opens in Luxembourg

French Hunting Season has officially opened in Luxembourg, allowing local residents to legally be able to go hunting for frontaliers crossing the border for non essential reasons.

Officials are hoping to slow down the spread of Covid 19 by allowing such measures and hopefully allowing some entertainment during these difficult times.

The decision to open the season came after record numbers of French and Belgian “Covid Tourists” flooded over the borders for non essential shopping. Restaurants reported being completely full, however they received record lows in terms of tips.

Luxembourgish and French police launched border operations that included helicopters, in order to catch perpetrators crossing the borders on small roads.

After witnessing some scenes, officials have now announced the start of French Hunting Season and hope that this will serve as a deterrent.

Anyone who happens to have a successful hunt, is encouraged to stuff and preserve the catch and hang it on a wall, maybe as a decoration that the family can enjoy at Christmas.

Disco that refused you entry for your shoes, now needs your support

Late night discos across the country are appealing for financial support amid the Corona Virus crisis in order to stay afloat.

The well known local establishments who are famous for rejecting clients for their choice of clothes, skin colour or even because they want more girls than boys inside, are now begging all of you for your financial support.

“We used to allow in only VIPs”, said one club worker. “Well, there was nothing really important about them at all, they were just stupid enough to pay a thousand euros to stand at a table with a cheap bottle of vodka.”

“I’m some cases, we would drag some people outside to beat them up if we wanted fresh customers on that table. Our Facebook reviews can confirm this.”

The Corona Virus has presented new challenges for businesses all over the country, so please, choose very wisely who you decide to help.

The #dontforgetus is currently circulating to raise awareness for the late night industry.

Putin challenges Trump to vaccine vodka challenge

Upon the announcement of a potential vaccine for Covid-19, Russian president Vladimir Putin immediately challenged US president Donald Trump to a drinking game.

The vaccine vodka challenge involves each participant drinking one shot after the other until one of them passes out.

The last one standing, wins.

A response is yet to be received from the White House.

Belgians to face 14 day quarantine, unless they bring beer

Belgians visiting Luxembourg are to face a 14 day quarantine with the exception of Belgians bringing beer into the Grand Duchy it was announced today.

As from next week, every Belgian traveller must bring at least one 6-pack of good Belgian beer in order to have open travel inside of Luxembourg.

Ministers are still deciding which beer is required, but rumours are that Chouffe and Vedett will be accepted.

Growing concern Covid19 could mutate into Man Flu

Leading experts are facing growing concerns that Covid-19 (Corona Virus) could potentially mutate into Man-Flu within the next six months.

The virus has shown symptoms of becoming far stronger than originally thought and could progress into something far more serious, threatening the worlds male population.

Although many doubt that the Corona Virus could reach such strong measures, some are getting prepared early.

Families around the world are being asked to stock up on hot chocolate, tea, chocolate biscuits and haribo.

Should such an outbreak occur, wives and partners are being asked to stay on red alert.

Paris riots could be cancelled due to Corona virus, experts warn

The weekly Paris riots could be cancelled due to fear of the spread of the Corona virus.

Experts have warned that rioters could spread the infection through gathering in large groups.

However, riot organisers have argued that they already wear masks to many of the events and have assured authorities that they will thoroughly wash their hands before throwing molotov cocktails and setting alight to cars.

Marc, who normally riots on a Saturday afternoon said “If there are too many people gathered who could spread the Corona virus on the weekend, then maybe I will consider rioting on a Monday when there are less people on the streets.”

Talks are still underway.

Final days of using “Moien” as accepted currency

Luxembourg residents are entering the final days of using “Moien” as accepted currency when boarding the bus.

For generations, Luxembourg citizens have used the word “Moien” to ‘pay’ for bus rides. Walking straight onto the bus confidently and giving the impression that you definitely have a valid bus pass in your pocket has long been a tradition in the Grand Duchy.

Now as the 1st March approaches when free transport across the country will become free, many residents are confused how this will effect driver / passenger relations.

Benelux News managed to speak with some bus users ahead of this historic ruling.

“Wait….. What…. You mean we had to pay before?” said one passenger.

While others were considering buying a 1st class ticket just to get away from ‘commoners’ using the free carriages on the train.

How this will effect the comfort of trains and buses in the future, only time will tell.

Meteolux issues red alert for storm in teacup

Meteolux this morning announced a “red alert” status for Luxembourg after signs of a storm in a tea cup were brewing.

Meteolux claim the storm could spread quite widely causing hot water to get spilt and maybe some twigs outside to fall to the ground.

Residents are urged to remain indoors and only go to the pub if absolutely necessary.

EU police start deporting Brexit Brits

Police forces across Europe today started a Europe wide round up of Brexit Brits and sending them home.

Police forces in Amsterdam, Ibiza, Prague and many others began the raids at around 5am this morning in preparation for the UK’s official exit from the EU at midnight tonight.

Countries who had experienced particular troubles with “Brits Abroad” including football hooligans, stag nights and English yobs were particularly eager to get rid of the idiots who creep onto the continent due to lax laws on immigration into the Schengen zone.

Starting on 1st Feb 2020, there will be a visa system in place to keep the idiots out, with France even considering bricking up the entrance to the Channel Tunnel towards the end of the year.

“Certain measures will be in place to keep out the idiots”, said a Police spokesman. “We fully intend to keep out Barry and the lads from Clacton-On-Sea, as well as Kev and Darren and their 20 pints challenge.”

Crowds of local residents gathered in various cities to applaud the work of the Police.

 

Construction worker shouting incomprehensible gibberish

Several heads turned this morning after a construction worker was attempting to communicate with his colleague using an unspecified language.

Local worker Joao was trying to signal to his colleague with the digger that he was too far across the area by simply shouting incomprehensible gibberish as loudly as possible.

Onlookers looked confused as nobody could tell if the language being spoken was French, Portuguese or just complete nonsense.

Joao was unable to do an interview as he was too busy supervising stuff.