Meteolux issues red alert for storm in teacup

Meteolux this morning announced a “red alert” status for Luxembourg after signs of a storm in a tea cup were brewing.

Meteolux claim the storm could spread quite widely causing hot water to get spilt and maybe some twigs outside to fall to the ground.

Residents are urged to remain indoors and only go to the pub if absolutely necessary.

Ryanair Customer Service department finally located in Sahara Desert

Images made their way back to Europe today of Ryanair’s Customer Service department after several passengers went on a trip to try to get their money back from the cancellations in 2017.

After cancelling nearly half a million passengers’ journeys in 2017 and still not refunding the money, the disgruntled customers set out to try to get some answers.

Despite finding the office in the Sahara Desert, there was a sign on the wall saying that the department was on strike with no date given as to the return.

New plans outlined for airport in Hollerich

The Hollerich independence party this morning released the first image of the proposed Hollerich airport to be built once Hollerich has gained independence from Luxembourg.

The single terminal airport is expected to handle up to 100 flights per day and will be a destination for flights from as far away as LaRochette and Septfontaine.

Some surprise has come at the decision to build the new terminal on top of the existing cemetery. While some politicians have raised serious concerns over moral values of the construction location, the architects and planners insist they conducted a survey in the cemetery and received no objections.

“Having the airport located in Hollerich will put short haul budget flights such as Easyjet in direct competition with Luxembourg’s taxi companies, as they will be able to offer cheap, short flights from Findel to Hollerich and thus saving a lot of money for the consumer.” Said a spokesman.

When asked by Benelux News if there were any objections from neighbours in Merl, he replied: “Merl residents have always had life good and have always thought of themselves as ‘better than Hollerich’. We intend to change that attitude. We want to make everyone equally thought of and will be directing some of our flight paths directly over Merl park and will be adding an extra tax to local residents to cover the charge for the terminal cleaners. In return, we offer sandwiches and drinks at the airport at a fraction of the cost of Findel. I think the money saved on Crémant as pre holiday drinks will more than make up for the cost difference.”

The plans for the terminal and runways can be seen below.

hollerich_airport

Ryanair grounds all flights as pilots book entire summer holidays off

Many summer holidays may be cancelled this summer after a number of sources say that, following last year’s catastrophe after Ryanair messed up the holiday schedules for pilots in 2017, which resulted in hundreds of cancelled flights.

According to sources, most of the staff have chosen to take most of the summer off and so many family holidays will indeed be cancelled.

Ryanair are of course denying all of this until the last minute.

Experts are warning should you wish to claim compensation, don’t bother as Ryanair will claim it was cancelled due to bad weather, despite the fact it was 30c.

Luxembourg airport sets sights on being the biggest rip off in Europe

The new Luxembourg airport has set its sales targets to being the biggest rip off in Europe, it was announced today.

“After an unnecessary renovation, we have jacked up our prices to truly give the customer a feeling of having no choice but to spend all their money,” a spokesperson said.

“We figured that if travellers had all their holiday money with them in their pockets, they should blow it all at the airport and be left feeling poor for their entire holiday.”

“To achieve this target was simple, we simply decided to charge 6.50 for a crappy sandwich, 4.90 for a small beer and 4.50 for a 20cl Pepsi… To top it all off, we just assumed that people are too stupid to realise what ‘duty-free’ really means and just jack up the price anyway.”

With Oberweis following suit very fast by charging 13 euros for 8 macarons, it seems the high price competition is on!