Skip to content

Category: Europe

Europe 0

Hotels compete for Worlds smallest glass of orange juice

This summer, Europe saw its hotels compete for the world title of “Smallest Glass of Orange Juice at Breakfast.” Competition was fierce with some hotels offering only small shot glasses in attempts to save money and gain the title. Many hotel visitors reported multiple trips to the juice machine and long queues each time as demand soared to quench their […]


Pinky and the Brain to join Theresa May’s new cabinet

This afternoon, after the shock departure of David Davis and Boris Johnson, it was announced that Pinky and the Brain (Minus et Cortex) would join the UK Government to specialise in Brexit negotiations and general strategy of the UK’s involvement in international relations. More details will be made later as to more specific roles of each character as the UK […]


New UK Passports to be made from hemp

News broke this morning that the new blue UK Passports will be made from hemp after Franco-Dutch company Gemalto revealed they will be taking care of production. Brexiteers reacted furiously after news broke that the passports wouldn’t be being produced in some local shit hole factory in a strange northern town, populated by inbreds left behind after all the Polish […]


Ski Twat Season only a matter of weeks away

Ski Twats across the country and indeed across Europe are already deciding on which ridiculously expensive, twatty sunglasses to wear on the ski slopes in the coming season. Local sports shop owner, Jean-Claude, gave Benelux News an interview to tell us all about what’s been popular in the shop recently. “The new ski outfits are flying out the door. I […]


Brexit supporters IQ reaches a new low

Shock rippled through Europe today after two of Britain’s biggest Brexit supporters travelled freely through the eurozone to take a stupid photo. Using their open border passports for travel, they decided to take a photo disapproving the very agreement that allowed them to travel to do so. Echoes of laughter could be heard throughout the surrounding countryside as the pair […]

Daily Life 0

Hollerich reveals new Holler Dollar after officially applying for independence

The new currency set to launch soon after Hollerich receives it’s independence has been released. Each Holler Dollar will hold exactly the same value as a Euro and will be exchangeable in any business in Hollerich. Although primarily created for Beer tokens, it will be valuable for many other transactions including kebabs and lap dances. Hollerich leaders announced today that […]