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Category: Europe

Europe

Ski Twat Season only a matter of weeks away

Ski Twats across the country and indeed across Europe are already deciding on which ridiculously expensive, twatty sunglasses to wear on the ski slopes in the coming season. Local sports shop owner, Jean-Claude, gave Benelux News an interview to tell us all about what’s been popular in the shop recently. “The new ski outfits are flying out the door. I […]

Europe

Brexit supporters IQ reaches a new low

Shock rippled through Europe today after two of Britain’s biggest Brexit supporters travelled freely through the eurozone to take a stupid photo. Using their open border passports for travel, they decided to take a photo disapproving the very agreement that allowed them to travel to do so. Echoes of laughter could be heard throughout the surrounding countryside as the pair […]

Daily Life 0

Hollerich reveals new Holler Dollar after officially applying for independence

The new currency set to launch soon after Hollerich receives it’s independence has been released. Each Holler Dollar will hold exactly the same value as a Euro and will be exchangeable in any business in Hollerich. Although primarily created for Beer tokens, it will be valuable for many other transactions including kebabs and lap dances. Hollerich leaders announced today that […]

Daily Life

Hollerich officially files for independence

The area of Hollerich in Luxembourg City has officially applied for independence on the same day as Brexit. Plans are apparently in place for a “Las Vegas” type area with it’s own currency and economic system in place. “The idea of Freedom For Hollerich (FFH) came about years ago.” Said one resident. “We always wanted to have a Vegas style […]

Europe

St Georges School pupils to be deported directly from class immediately after Brexit

Parents have been left feeling very anxious this morning after it was announced on Tuesday that pupils of the school could be deported directly from their class rooms immediately following activation of article 50 in the UK. Few details have been given so far, however various techniques and transportation methods have been suggested which included cattle trucks and second-hand dutch […]

Europe 0

Luxembourg border controls for personal hygiene for Belgian drivers

Luxembourg’s border poluce uave stepped up controls on personal hygiene after yesterday’s stench spread across the country.  After the bad smell was officially blamed on a paper factory near the Belgian border spread across the country, Luxembourg authorities are taking no risks and have warned motorists to shower and wear deodorant before making any attempt to cross the border into […]

Europe 0

World’s biggest facepalm causes earthquake fears after Trump wins presidency

Emergency services were alerted this morning after the world’s biggest simultaneous facepalm triggered earthquake warnings reaching 7.2 on the richter magnitude scale. Donald Trump’s elected presidency triggered the tremors so strong, even the financial markets collapsed. Despite reassuring speeches and statements made from the new President and relevant authorities, world citizens are being told to be vigilant.