New season of Narcos starts filming in Esch

Eager fans of the famous Netflix series “Narcos” will be pleased to know that the new season is currently being filmed in Esch sur Alzette.

Local residents reported that the scenes being filmed were very realistic and almost gave the impression of being a city of crime, just like a real city.

After filming in various locations around the country, the new season is expected to be out after some ridiculously long period of time, like 2020 or something.

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Socks and Sandals to be made illegal by Summer 2019

New law proposals were approved this morning that would ban the wearing of socks with sandals in all public places by as early as next summer.

The bill was passed in the chambres des deputies with an overwhelming 94% vote in favour.

Checks at the gare as well as border controls will become stricter.

Extra security checks in supermarket parking areas are also expected to begin by May next year.

Heavy fines and possible custodial sentences for repeat offenders will be given to anyone of any age wearing this monstrosity.

You have been warned.

Police stop international terrorist search to arrest teenager for small bag of weed

Luxembourg Police on Friday decided that they no longer can be bothered to seek out a possible international terrorist threat and instead pick on some local teenagers smoking a joint.

After some discussion between senior officers, it was decided that because nothing really terrorist related had happened, they would give some basic training to the Palace guards who could then “jump in to save the day if some shit went down”.

This in turn has freed up so much Police time, that teenagers seen to be smoking a joint are seen as as big a threat as a terrorist.

“Because of the use of cigarette lighters, we see this as a potentially explosive situation.” said a Police spokesman. “We cannot risk a joint attack.”

“We have trained the Palace guards to handle a terrorist attack so we can start bullying teenagers for their weed and lunch money.”

Luxembourg’s New Police announce opening times for Christmas and New Year 

The so called “New Police” force in Luxembourg have officially announced their opening times for stations across the country.

Residents are advised to take note in case of emergency over the festive season.

24th December: Until around 5pm ish.

25th December: Not really sure. Maybe in the evening?

26th December: Probably after 10am.

31st December: Really late, like 11pm or so.

1st January: Good luck!

Luxembourg Police reveal 2017 Halloween party costumes 

Luxembourg Police announced earlier this morning their new design for their annual Halloween party. 

The chief of Police was said to be extremely happy with the new design and said that they may even decide to wear the costumes permanently in the future because he described them as “really comfy”. 

The design, based on a Peugeot lion that had gone crazy and prowled the streets of Luxembourg looking for callef (baby cow) victims, had apparently caused a big laugh in the offices and the Police cells alike, is sure to be a big success. 

Expect to see a fresh fashion parade walking the streets near you soon!

Luxembourg Police storm voting centres to block Hollerich vote for independence

Luxembourg police in riot gear smashed in the doors of polling stations and dragged protesters away by the hair, beating some with batons and firing rubber bullets at others on Sunday as they tried to shut down an illegal referendum on independence in Hollerich.

Despite the police brutality against largely peaceful demonstrations, voting began in many locations across Hollerich and the gare area at 9 a.m. The Hollerich government said 73 percent of polling stations were open.

It’s unclear when or, indeed, if a result will be announced and no exit polls are planned, though those who do vote are likely to be overwhelmingly from the pro-independence camp. A non-binding vote in 2014, also held in defiance of the Luxembourgish courts, saw 80 percent back a split from Luxembourg on turnout of about 30 percent. In the most recent Hollerich government poll in July, 35 percent of respondents said the region should become independent.

More news as it comes in.