Calais Migrants to launch new Ferry service after Brexit

As the countdown to Brexit gets lower, migrants at the famous “Calais Jungle Camp” have got together to launch a new business opportunity.

Claiming to have more operating boats than Seaborne Freight, the service will launch on the final day of March, 2019.

After Seaborne Freight lost the €13.8 million contract to operate between the UK and the EU, the migrants launched their own business which will deal with regular transport across the channel for a fraction of the price of previous boat companies.

Using a “Ryanair” approach to facilities and basic needs, the new boat company hopes to transport up to 10,000 passengers a week across the channel.

French authorities have given the project the go ahead and have encouraged the service with a tax-free offer that is valid for several months during the start up process.

Several of the “Jungle Camp’s” residents were very pleased with the new initiative.

“We have a lot of problems with obtaining transport”, said one resident. “Finally now we can travel across the sea and not be held back by unnecessary Euro Tunnel security measures.”

 

 

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New UK Passports to be made from hemp

News broke this morning that the new blue UK Passports will be made from hemp after Franco-Dutch company Gemalto revealed they will be taking care of production.

Brexiteers reacted furiously after news broke that the passports wouldn’t be being produced in some local shit hole factory in a strange northern town, populated by inbreds left behind after all the Polish people left.

It was revealed that the use of hemp was initiated after deciding to remind UK citizens of what they gave up with regards to having easy access to Holland and also to set off the border patrol drug searcher dogs at the airport, just to “rub it in.”

There are also plans to include Deli-France vouchers towards the back of the passport book that would give up to 20% discounts to coupon holders, but would make little difference as the prices would be increasing anyway.

Further reactions are unpredictable, as it was also revealed that production would take place in France.

French companies are currently recruiting as many French beret wearing, onion peelers as possible to work in production factories.