News spread across Europe from the White Isle this afternoon that Ibiza clubs may be forced to close for the duration of time that Lydie Polfer, Luxembourg’s City Mayor, could visit for a holiday.
Lydie ‘Party Pooper’ Polfer is rumoured to be travelling to the White Isle this summer and is likely to disagree with many young people having fun while on the island.
After giving out many restrictions to the nightlife industry in recent months, the plan is to expand across Europe.
The nightlife industry, which is struggling to get back on its feet after the pandemic, is naturally not happy and urges to remind ‘Party Pooper Polfer’ that the people who attend nightlife events are voters too.
Early closing times for various events have left many people stranded without transport options to get home and created a sense of frustration. With calls for the Party Pooper to resign.
Police forces across Europe today started a Europe wide round up of Brexit Brits and sending them home.
Police forces in Amsterdam, Ibiza, Prague and many others began the raids at around 5am this morning in preparation for the UK’s official exit from the EU at midnight tonight.
Countries who had experienced particular troubles with “Brits Abroad” including football hooligans, stag nights and English yobs were particularly eager to get rid of the idiots who creep onto the continent due to lax laws on immigration into the Schengen zone.
Starting on 1st Feb 2020, there will be a visa system in place to keep the idiots out, with France even considering bricking up the entrance to the Channel Tunnel towards the end of the year.
“Certain measures will be in place to keep out the idiots”, said a Police spokesman. “We fully intend to keep out Barry and the lads from Clacton-On-Sea, as well as Kev and Darren and their 20 pints challenge.”
Crowds of local residents gathered in various cities to applaud the work of the Police.
This summer, Europe saw its hotels compete for the world title of “Smallest Glass of Orange Juice at Breakfast.”
Competition was fierce with some hotels offering only small shot glasses in attempts to save money and gain the title.
Many hotel visitors reported multiple trips to the juice machine and long queues each time as demand soared to quench their thirst before the day started.
Results are yet to be published for the winners.
A Luxembourgish family are reported to have purchased an island in the Mediterranean for 18 million euros.
The Island, close to Ibiza and Formentera, was sold to the anonymous family just last week.
Benelux News sent their reporters down to investigate and try to get an interview with the island’s new owner who wished to remain anonymous for the time being.
“It was all a bit unexpected really,” said the husband.
“We were looking at apartments in Luxembourg City, but they were all too expensive. In the end, we thought ‘sod it’ and just bought an island. It still leaves us with enough to buy some furniture from IKEA, but we need to go onto the main island of Ibiza for that.”