Woman can’t wait to completely change menu items

Restaurants across the country are currently preparing themselves for the arrival of a woman, or potentially several people who want to completely change what’s on the menu in their local restaurant.

Despite the menu clearly explaining what’s featured on the plate, changes must be made!

The woman is expected to request no onions, gluten free bread (even though gluten is not really a problem for her), the sauce to be separated into some strange side dish, order the meat super rare and then complain that it’s not cooked enough, insisting on a side salad but only eating two mouthfuls and leaving the rest.

“This is a growing problem,” said one restaurant owner. “Some people come in here thinking they know how to run a kitchen, but quickly realise they have no clue about cooking at all.”

Kitchen staff across the country will be expected to simultaneously roll their eyes whenever people make these kind of orders.

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People who push in through back doors of buses “eager to get started” on new challenge

A spokesperson for the association of people who push in through the back doors of buses before other passengers can get off stated this morning that it’s members are getting very excited about the new tram coming and are “eager to get started”.

“Our members have been practising for months now and are highly confident we can cause just as much of a nuisance pushing our way on to the tram as we can with buses.”

In anticipation of the tram project, members of the association have been practising extra hard and even taking on challenges such as the side entrance doors to Utopolis and entrance to the Gare during rush hour.

“The trick will be pushing on but not breaking the tram doors”, said the spokesperson. “But we are confident we can pull this off.”