Emile Weber and VDL bus drivers to meet for bareknuckle death fight

Representatives of Ville de Luxembourg and Emile Weber have confirmed that a number of bus drivers will meet soon for a bareknuckle death fight.

Tensions have been steadily rising since the construction of the tram in Kirchberg with VDL drivers claiming that Emile Weber drivers “just dump” their passengers in the middle of nowhere and leaving them to join their cool, city people on their buses.

Claims that the people coming in from the villages smell of manure have so far not been proved, however there are several witnesses who claim just that.

VDL’s current president said in a statement: “We are not messing around any more. We are sick of picking up these stranded people, who could easily be driven in to town.”

A spokesman for Emile Weber responded with: “Bring it on, bitches! We have got nothing to worry about, their top driver couldn’t fight his way out of a paper bag!”

The exact date is yet to be arranged, but it is rumoured that the location will be somewhere near the gare.

More info as we receive it.


Man turns into snow waiting for bus in Kirchberg

Emergency services were alerted this week after reports that a man waiting for a bus in Kirchberg turned into a snowman.

The man was reported to have been waiting for the 222 bus for a long period of time before eventually turning in to a real snowman.

Bus routes on the Kirchberg have been suffering severe problems since the introduction of the tram.

Authorities fear this may not be the last case and have urged residents to keep their eyes open for any pedestrians needing help.

Man presses bus stop button again just to be sure

A local man from Belair travelling in to the city made sure to press the stop button on the bus just to be sure the bus would stop at the next bus stop.

Despite another passenger already pressing the button just a few moments before and the “de Bus hält” sign already lit up, the man decided to press the button again believing that only his button push would actually motivate the driver to really stop.

In an exclusive interview with Benelux News, the man said: “It only counts if I press the button. Nobody else.”

Public start hitchhiking between Kirchberg and the City

Traffic problems flared this afternoon as members of the public decided “fuck it” and attempted to flag down cars in order to travel between Kierchberg and Luxembourg City.

Following the cancellation of various bus services between the two destinations, it would appear that several years of planning and building the new tram service has been a complete waste of time and money.

“Nobody knows what the hell is going on.” said one man. “It’s actually a lot simpler to just flag down a car and see if you can get a lift with someone.”

Benelux News is advising everyone who needs to travel for work in Kirchberg to simply not bother.

Growing concern for Tram getting bullied by other cars

After conducting a crash test last Saturday between a car and the new tram, concerns are growing for the safety of the tram.

Experts have highlighted potential dangers of bullying and so called “mobbing”, not from people, but from other cars using the road.

“During the crash test, we could hear other cars passing by and making snide comments as they did,” said one spokeswoman. “Things were being mumbled between cars at the traffic lights just a few metres away. Things like ‘He wishes he was a real car’ and ‘He needs stabiliser tracks to ride on the real roads’.” 

Other witnesses heard the word “trammy” being shouted across the road several times.

If you are a tram and have been affected by other road users, please contact Benelux News to share your story.

People who push in through back doors of buses “eager to get started” on new challenge

A spokesperson for the association of people who push in through the back doors of buses before other passengers can get off stated this morning that it’s members are getting very excited about the new tram coming and are “eager to get started”.

“Our members have been practising for months now and are highly confident we can cause just as much of a nuisance pushing our way on to the tram as we can with buses.”

In anticipation of the tram project, members of the association have been practising extra hard and even taking on challenges such as the side entrance doors to Utopolis and entrance to the Gare during rush hour.

“The trick will be pushing on but not breaking the tram doors”, said the spokesperson. “But we are confident we can pull this off.”

Pushing in through back doors of bus to become Olympic sport

The Office of public transport announced today that Luxembourg will be competing in the next Olympics.

Hosted in 2020, Luxembourg will fly several planes to the Olympics to compete for the gold medal for pushing in through the back doors of buses before other people can get off.

“There is strong support for this new event,” said a spokesman, “people all over the country have been practicing for a long time and we anticipate great results.”

“We are starting to see this craze spread on to trains and we will be looking into forming seperate teams for buses, trains and soon trams. It’s a very exciting time to travel.”

The government is urging locals to get as much practice as possible for a chance to compete, though we think there are many people here worthy of the gold medal.