Following the results of previous years, Luxembourg’s drinkers claim that further essential research is required for investigating global beers and wines. Due to a lack of memory last years results have been confirmed as “inconclusive” and thus requires further investigation and more essential funding is required. “We need to be sure about the results,” claimed one investigator. “There is no […]
Residents around the Place de Paris recently opened a special Christmas Market to celebrate the arrival of new road works along the Avenue de Liberty this week. The local residents committee approved the event weeks ago with all residents in full support of the project. “We are so happy to have the roadworks here,” said one neighbour. “With all the […]
Representatives of Ville de Luxembourg and Emile Weber have confirmed that a number of bus drivers will meet soon for a bareknuckle death fight. Tensions have been steadily rising since the construction of the tram in Kirchberg with VDL drivers claiming that Emile Weber drivers “just dump” their passengers in the middle of nowhere and leaving them to join their […]
Eager fans of the famous Netflix series “Narcos” will be pleased to know that the new season is currently being filmed in Esch sur Alzette. Local residents reported that the scenes being filmed were very realistic and almost gave the impression of being a city of crime, just like a real city. After filming in various locations around the country, […]
After the Schueberfouer has ended, the official season of “close the f*cking door” officially starts. Bar, restaurant and cafe customers are being warned about on the spot fines for people who leave the door open after entering or exiting a premises. Fines can be up to €250 for anyone who leaves the door open or holds the door open for […]
The national society for people who never get invited to parties launched an online petition this morning in a bid to ban absolutely any form of leisure or fun. 4,500 signatures are required in order for the proposed law to be discussed in Parliament and has already gained over 100 signatures. The ban will include just about every fun activity, […]
New law proposals were approved this morning that would ban the wearing of socks with sandals in all public places by as early as next summer. The bill was passed in the chambres des deputies with an overwhelming 94% vote in favour. Checks at the gare as well as border controls will become stricter. Extra security checks in supermarket parking […]
Xavier Bettel this weekend managed to pass a new law that will see noisy eaters and people who eat with their mouth open be deported from Luxembourg. The new law, which was passed with a 99% majority, bypasses all existing refugee and immigration laws, will hopefully be brought in before Christmas. “By introducing this law as quickly as possible, we […]
The Hollerich independence party this morning released the first image of the proposed Hollerich airport to be built once Hollerich has gained independence from Luxembourg. The single terminal airport is expected to handle up to 100 flights per day and will be a destination for flights from as far away as LaRochette and Septfontaine. Some surprise has come at the […]
Xavier Bettel this morning announced his proposal for free taxis around the country if successful in the next election. It is thought that the taxis will be paid for by taxing cross border workers. As the electoral debate heats up, politicians seem to be making all kinds of promises in order to gain your vote.
Xavier Bettel stunned politicians this morning after suggesting skipping this year’s election voting process and going straight to penalties. The current Prime minister is so confident after seeing England’s victory over Colombia, that he too believes he can win the election by having a penalty shootout. Fellow politicians are said to be in training for a potential penalty situation.
Luxembourg’s emergency services issued a warning to football fans attending matches broadcast on the Glacis car park this morning, after dozens of Switzerland fans piled into the First Aid tent, thinking they could get a better view of the game while chanting “Hop Suisse” Fans were reminded that the First Aid tent is for any people who may need emergency […]
Sighs of relief were felt across the country today, as bus companies announced that air-conditioning in buses will be available on some routes as an “optional extra”. Despite Luxembourg being one of the richest countries in the world, the standard of air conditioning in public buildings and public transport remains a laughing stock when compared to other poorer countries who […]
A new scientific experiment has shown results that confirm tbat smacking the button at a zebra crossing repeatedly will force traffic to suddenly stop. Results show that immediately after impatiently hitting the button, all drivers nearby will drop everything they’re doing and stop to let people cross the road.
Immobilières across the country are delighted to have a new range of bird houses released on to the market this week, after it was announced they could fetch up to almost 100k. There will be two types available, from the luxury bird penthouses (90k) to the smaller green birdhouses designed for social bird housing for around 55k. “At only €2,000 […]
Mystery surrounds many shops in Luxembourg, between a mix of lazy service and rude shopkeepers, overpriced goods and just bizarre items on sale. Benelux News has also come across several shops that sell absolute crap and somehow manage to stay in business after many years. With rent so high for shops and commercial places, the general public seems to be […]