Tag: luxembourg

Local man determined to get drunk for free in supermarket

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

A local man was on his usual supermarket shopping spree in Bertrange on Friday when he spotted 3 different wine tasting stalls inside the store within a 75 metre radius.

Quick to react to the situation, the man beckoned his girlfriend directly over to the closest wine tasting stand, completely bypassing the noodles section and the Nutella section.

While sipping his second sample of red wine, the mans thoughts were becoming focussed on how many free samples he could get away with at each stand, while carefully calculating the possibilities of finding a possible free snack somewhere in the shop and making a full dinner our of the whole experience.

Sadly, the mans hopes and dreams were destroyed when the realisation came that he and his girlfriend still had to visit the fruit and veg section before the shop closed.

Plans are being made for the next visit.

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“Shutting doors on passengers” 2019 competition begins

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

Bus drivers throughout the country today officially launched the new “Shutting doors on passengers” 2019.

The game which has become quite a competitive sport in recent years, sees bus drivers use their skills to shut the rear doors ofbthe bus just a split second before the passenger steps on to the bus, ensuring the doors manage to “catch” them as they are just off the pavement outside.

Bonus points are also given if they manage to catch a passenger stepping off the bus as well.

“I managed to get over 1,500 people last year,” said one driver. “I’m really going to go for gold this year.”

The competition starts now and will be continuing for the remainder of the year.

Lux residents warned not to drink in bars that use little measuring things

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life, Europe

A government alert was sent out today to warn Luxembourg residents not to drink in venues that use “silly little measuring things.”

As part of a government clampdown on boring establishments, the silly little measuring things, known as jiggers, are officially recognised as party killers and just put people off buying drinks. Especially when you pay an average of 12 euros for most drinks using spirits.

Benelux News got an exclusive interview with one party regular.

“It’s like they are just killing the fun.” Said the woman. “We are paying a lot of money for these drinks and the last thing we need us some boring party pooper to ‘limit’ our fun.”

Government advice given to bars is to stop being meanies and get the party started!

Woman can’t wait to completely change menu items

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

Restaurants across the country are currently preparing themselves for the arrival of a woman, or potentially several people who want to completely change what’s on the menu in their local restaurant.

Despite the menu clearly explaining what’s featured on the plate, changes must be made!

The woman is expected to request no onions, gluten free bread (even though gluten is not really a problem for her), the sauce to be separated into some strange side dish, order the meat super rare and then complain that it’s not cooked enough, insisting on a side salad but only eating two mouthfuls and leaving the rest.

“This is a growing problem,” said one restaurant owner. “Some people come in here thinking they know how to run a kitchen, but quickly realise they have no clue about cooking at all.”

Kitchen staff across the country will be expected to simultaneously roll their eyes whenever people make these kind of orders.

Study confirms McDonalds manager is absolute tosser

by Benelux News, posted in Europe

A recent study between customers and workers confirmed today that the majority of McDonalds managers are absolute tossers.

The recent findings were confirmed by workers who witnessed the managers saying to senior management that they will “turn this company around” and “we can hit our peak of shit burger sales under my command.”

The managers were witnessed to be smart arse bastards while making their employees and teams feel like shit while serving shit burgers.

Crap haircuts were also widely reported.

Growing concern over new yellow jacket protests

by Benelux News, posted in Europe

Authorities have expressed concerns over fresh protests by yellow jackets around the Grand Duchy.

The creche attendees have been protesting over the price of attending creche in Luxembourg.

“Every year the price rises for young children to attend creche.” said one spokesman.

“We are being stretched to a limit where our Christmas gifts are being reduced. It cannot continue!”

Police are currently on standby for any signs of unrest.

More info as it comes.

“More research needed” claim Luxembourg drinkers.

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

Following the results of previous years, Luxembourg’s drinkers claim that further essential research is required for investigating global beers and wines.

Due to a lack of memory last years results have been confirmed as “inconclusive” and thus requires further investigation and more essential funding is required.

“We need to be sure about the results,” claimed one investigator.

“There is no other choice.”

Luxembourg International Bazaar happens this weekend.