Ibiza clubs to close as Lydie Polfer plans holiday

News spread across Europe from the White Isle this afternoon that Ibiza clubs may be forced to close for the duration of time that Lydie Polfer, Luxembourg’s City Mayor, could visit for a holiday.

Lydie ‘Party Pooper’ Polfer is rumoured to be travelling to the White Isle this summer and is likely to disagree with many young people having fun while on the island.

After giving out many restrictions to the nightlife industry in recent months, the plan is to expand across Europe.

The nightlife industry, which is struggling to get back on its feet after the pandemic, is naturally not happy and urges to remind ‘Party Pooper Polfer’ that the people who attend nightlife events are voters too.

Early closing times for various events have left many people stranded without transport options to get home and created a sense of frustration. With calls for the Party Pooper to resign.

“Open minded” woman only wants to hear songs she knows at Christmas party. 

Local DJs are bracing themselves for the Christmas party period as crap song requests will be rife across the party season. 

All kinds of junk from Wham to Rihanna, to Celine Dion are expected to be asked for, and if the DJs don’t play them, their drunk boyfriend will come and shout at them.

“We see this kind of thing every year,” said one local DJ. “These people never go out, but when the free Christmas drinks paid for by the company start flowing, it becomes a danger zone.”

Benelux News recommends keeping an eye on your colleagues and make sure they don’t harrass the DJ who is only trying to do their job.

“You can always see the ones who are no good at going out.” said another DJ we spoke to. “They have no idea of sense of space and no rhythm when they dance. we are always cautious of them. you know they are the ones who request the most crap.”