Residents celebrate opening of new roadworks

Residents around the Place de Paris recently opened a special Christmas Market to celebrate the arrival of new road works along the Avenue de Liberty this week.

The local residents committee approved the event weeks ago with all residents in full support of the project.

“We are so happy to have the roadworks here,” said one neighbour. “With all the traffic jams and noise it will feel like a real city.”

The market will be there until a couple of days before Christmas.

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Woman enters 3rd day of driving round Auchan car park

Benelux News caught up with a woman who has been driving around Auchan car park for the last 3 days trying to find a parking space.

“I just thought I would get a few extra things before Christmas, but I still haven’t found any place to park yet.”

“I thought I found a space yesterday, but as I approached I saw some bastard had parked a Fiat Cincocento there.”

The woman managed to survive on half a pack of Haribo and a quarter bottle of Rosport Blue.

But she still remains hopeful.

“Any minute now I will find a space. I’m sure it’s just around the next corner.”

Luxembourg’s New Police announce opening times for Christmas and New Year 

The so called “New Police” force in Luxembourg have officially announced their opening times for stations across the country.

Residents are advised to take note in case of emergency over the festive season.

24th December: Until around 5pm ish.

25th December: Not really sure. Maybe in the evening?

26th December: Probably after 10am.

31st December: Really late, like 11pm or so.

1st January: Good luck!

“Open minded” woman only wants to hear songs she knows at Christmas party. 

Local DJs are bracing themselves for the Christmas party period as crap song requests will be rife across the party season. 

All kinds of junk from Wham to Rihanna, to Celine Dion are expected to be asked for, and if the DJs don’t play them, their drunk boyfriend will come and shout at them.

“We see this kind of thing every year,” said one local DJ. “These people never go out, but when the free Christmas drinks paid for by the company start flowing, it becomes a danger zone.”

Benelux News recommends keeping an eye on your colleagues and make sure they don’t harrass the DJ who is only trying to do their job.

“You can always see the ones who are no good at going out.” said another DJ we spoke to. “They have no idea of sense of space and no rhythm when they dance. we are always cautious of them. you know they are the ones who request the most crap.”

“Christmas is a time for giving” claims barman charging €3.50 for a 25cl beer at Christmas Market

People this year were reminded that Christmas is a time for giving while Christmas stands were charging customers higher prices for drinks and food than normal bars.

While paying just €40 a day for stall rent and having volunteer staff working his Christmas stall, the local man running the stand said; “It’s a time for giving and what better way than to give me all their money?!”

“I try to be as tight as possible with drinks and food and just hope that the Christmas music playing all around will distract the people from the fact that I am ripping them off. It’s certainly worked so far!”

When asked by Benelux News team how much he pays to buy in certain goods, he suddenly became busy and not available for comment.