Lux residents warned not to drink in bars that use little measuring things

A government alert was sent out today to warn Luxembourg residents not to drink in venues that use “silly little measuring things.”

As part of a government clampdown on boring establishments, the silly little measuring things, known as jiggers, are officially recognised as party killers and just put people off buying drinks. Especially when you pay an average of 12 euros for most drinks using spirits.

Benelux News got an exclusive interview with one party regular.

“It’s like they are just killing the fun.” Said the woman. “We are paying a lot of money for these drinks and the last thing we need us some boring party pooper to ‘limit’ our fun.”

Government advice given to bars is to stop being meanies and get the party started!

Annoying guy won’t stop touching friend’s arm during conversation 

Tempers rose today after a seemingly quiet and fun conversation turned into a strange touchfest.

As two men were enjoying a cold beer in a local bar, a silent rage was building inside one of the friends as the other one would not stop touching his arm while talking. 

“It was so annoying,” said the victim. “It was like he thought I wasn’t listening to him. I was so close to punching him in the face. I just had to make my excuses and leave after the second beer.”

Lessons in drinking etiquette are currently being proposed by local support groups to government officials.

Local man googling about Superbowl in attempt to look knowledgable in the bar tonight

A local man has spent most of Sunday afternoon frantically googling about American Football in an attempt to gain popularity with his friends during the Superbowl.

Having had absolutely no knowledge about American Football before, he is determined to try to win over friends tonight, as some bars will  be opening extra late to show the game.

“I had no idea they use their hands with a football,” he said while taking a quick break from researching. “It just doesn’t make any sense at all. Why don’t they call it Hand Ball? I hope I can find enough knowledge on the internet or I won’t be able to appear to have a valid excuse to stay in the bar late tonight.”

As reporters left, he appeared to be practising his “yeah, I know all about that” facial expressions while pretending to become engrossed in what was on the TV screen.

We think he will do just fine.


“Christmas is a time for giving” claims barman charging €3.50 for a 25cl beer at Christmas Market

People this year were reminded that Christmas is a time for giving while Christmas stands were charging customers higher prices for drinks and food than normal bars.

While paying just €40 a day for stall rent and having volunteer staff working his Christmas stall, the local man running the stand said; “It’s a time for giving and what better way than to give me all their money?!”

“I try to be as tight as possible with drinks and food and just hope that the Christmas music playing all around will distract the people from the fact that I am ripping them off. It’s certainly worked so far!”

When asked by Benelux News team how much he pays to buy in certain goods, he suddenly became busy and not available for comment.