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Boring people launch petition to ban EVERYTHING

The national society for people who never get invited to parties launched an online petition this morning in a bid to ban absolutely any form of leisure or fun. 4,500 signatures are required in order for the proposed law to be discussed in Parliament and has already gained over 100 signatures. The ban will include just about every fun activity, […]

Europe 0

Hotels compete for Worlds smallest glass of orange juice

This summer, Europe saw its hotels compete for the world title of “Smallest Glass of Orange Juice at Breakfast.” Competition was fierce with some hotels offering only small shot glasses in attempts to save money and gain the title. Many hotel visitors reported multiple trips to the juice machine and long queues each time as demand soared to quench their […]

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Socks and Sandals to be made illegal by Summer 2019

New law proposals were approved this morning that would ban the wearing of socks with sandals in all public places by as early as next summer. The bill was passed in the chambres des deputies with an overwhelming 94% vote in favour. Checks at the gare as well as border controls will become stricter. Extra security checks in supermarket parking […]

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People who eat with their mouth open to be deported

Xavier Bettel this weekend managed to pass a new law that will see noisy eaters and people who eat with their mouth open be deported from Luxembourg. The new law, which was passed with a 99% majority, bypasses all existing refugee and immigration laws, will hopefully be brought in before Christmas. “By introducing this law as quickly as possible, we […]

Daily Life

New plans outlined for airport in Hollerich

The Hollerich independence party this morning released the first image of the proposed Hollerich airport to be built once Hollerich has gained independence from Luxembourg. The single terminal airport is expected to handle up to 100 flights per day and will be a destination for flights from as far away as LaRochette and Septfontaine. Some surprise has come at the […]

Europe

Pinky and the Brain to join Theresa May’s new cabinet

This afternoon, after the shock departure of David Davis and Boris Johnson, it was announced that Pinky and the Brain (Minus et Cortex) would join the UK Government to specialise in Brexit negotiations and general strategy of the UK’s involvement in international relations. More details will be made later as to more specific roles of each character as the UK […]

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Bettel proposes dropping elections and going straight to penalties

Xavier Bettel stunned politicians this morning after suggesting skipping this year’s election voting process and going straight to penalties. The current Prime minister is so confident after seeing England’s victory over Colombia, that he too believes he can win the election by having a penalty shootout. Fellow politicians are said to be in training for a potential penalty situation.

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Emergency services issue warning to swiss football fans

Luxembourg’s emergency services issued a warning to football fans attending matches broadcast on the Glacis car park this morning, after dozens of Switzerland fans piled into the First Aid tent, thinking they could get a better view of the game while chanting “Hop Suisse” Fans were reminded that the First Aid tent is for any people who may need emergency […]

Daily Life

Bus air-conditioning to become an “optional extra”

Sighs of relief were felt across the country today, as bus companies announced that air-conditioning in buses will be available on some routes as an “optional extra”. Despite Luxembourg being one of the richest countries in the world, the standard of air conditioning in public buildings and public transport remains a laughing stock when compared to other poorer countries who […]

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Immobilière puts bird house on market for €90,000

Immobilières across the country are delighted to have a new range of bird houses released on to the market this week, after it was announced they could fetch up to almost 100k. There will be two types available, from the luxury bird penthouses (90k) to the smaller green birdhouses designed for social bird housing for around 55k. “At only €2,000 […]