Global media was going crazy today after Ed Sheeran and his Fiancee tied the knot. The couple married in Windsor and could symbolise the end game. Advertisements
A new scientific experiment has shown results that confirm tbat smacking the button at a zebra crossing repeatedly will force traffic to suddenly stop. Results show that immediately after impatiently hitting the button, all drivers nearby will drop everything they’re doing and stop to let people cross the road.
Many summer holidays may be cancelled this summer after a number of sources say that, following last year’s catastrophe after Ryanair messed up the holiday schedules for pilots in 2017, which resulted in hundreds of cancelled flights. According to sources, most of the staff have chosen to take most of the summer off and so many family holidays will indeed […]
Immobilières across the country are delighted to have a new range of bird houses released on to the market this week, after it was announced they could fetch up to almost 100k. There will be two types available, from the luxury bird penthouses (90k) to the smaller green birdhouses designed for social bird housing for around 55k. “At only €2,000 […]
Mystery surrounds many shops in Luxembourg, between a mix of lazy service and rude shopkeepers, overpriced goods and just bizarre items on sale. Benelux News has also come across several shops that sell absolute crap and somehow manage to stay in business after many years. With rent so high for shops and commercial places, the general public seems to be […]
Xavier Bettel this morning proposed a new law which would see tax reforms come in that would make up for lost revenue from lack of bar and restaurant staff tips. Under the new law, French cross border workers would be penalised when crossing the border by being made to put at least 2 euros into a tip box located at […]
News broke this morning that the new blue UK Passports will be made from hemp after Franco-Dutch company Gemalto revealed they will be taking care of production. Brexiteers reacted furiously after news broke that the passports wouldn’t be being produced in some local shit hole factory in a strange northern town, populated by inbreds left behind after all the Polish […]
You may remember, back in December, Benelux News managed to get an exclusive interview with a woman who had been driving around Auchan car park for 3 days trying to find a space. You can read the interview here: https://beneluxnews.net/2017/12/19/woman-enters-3rd-day-of-driving-round-auchan-car-park/ It turns out she has finally found one 3 MONTHS later! Benelux News was again first on the scene and […]
A Luxembourgish family are reported to have purchased an island in the Mediterranean for 18 million euros. The Island, close to Ibiza and Formentera, was sold to the anonymous family just last week. Benelux News sent their reporters down to investigate and try to get an interview with the island’s new owner who wished to remain anonymous for the time […]
The year is 2018 and the Luxembourg Police force has appealed for help from the public to identify a criminal after being photographed by a Lego camera. The man (we think) is wanted for fraudulently using a bank card at a local cash point. A Police spokesperson said; “By releasing this picture to the public, we wanted to show this […]
A feeling of ease was felt across the country this morning after it was officially announced by local government that a decision had been made to cancel Monday due to a lack of interest. Government officials are currently discussing banning Mondays completely and are hoping to come to a conclusive decision in the coming weeks.
Luxembourg Police on Friday decided that they no longer can be bothered to seek out a possible international terrorist threat and instead pick on some local teenagers smoking a joint. After some discussion between senior officers, it was decided that because nothing really terrorist related had happened, they would give some basic training to the Palace guards who could then […]
The UK braced itself for the last ever full winter before Brexit kicks in. According to forecasts by Pro Brexit voters, after March 2019, the weather will be permanently sunny and hot and there won’t be anything to worry about after Brexit kicks in. Record numbers of swimming pools have already been ordered ready for the permanent heat wave, as […]
As harsh measures were brought in this week after Donald Trump said that teachers will be carrying guns following the mass school shooting in Florida, Luxembourg is taking no chances and will be providing all teachers nationwide with privileged access to all wifi boxes and internet connections. The teachers will have the option to turn off the wifi at any […]
Emergency services were alerted this week after reports that a man waiting for a bus in Kirchberg turned into a snowman. The man was reported to have been waiting for the 222 bus for a long period of time before eventually turning in to a real snowman. Bus routes on the Kirchberg have been suffering severe problems since the introduction […]
A local man from Belair travelling in to the city made sure to press the stop button on the bus just to be sure the bus would stop at the next bus stop. Despite another passenger already pressing the button just a few moments before and the “de Bus hält” sign already lit up, the man decided to press the […]