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Growing concern over new yellow jacket protests

Authorities have expressed concerns over fresh protests by yellow jackets around the Grand Duchy. The creche attendees have been protesting over the price of attending creche in Luxembourg. “Every year the price rises for young children to attend creche.” said one spokesman. “We are being stretched to a limit where our Christmas gifts are being reduced. It cannot continue!” Police […]

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“More research needed” claim Luxembourg drinkers.

Following the results of previous years, Luxembourg’s drinkers claim that further essential research is required for investigating global beers and wines. Due to a lack of memory last years results have been confirmed as “inconclusive” and thus requires further investigation and more essential funding is required. “We need to be sure about the results,” claimed one investigator. “There is no […]

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Residents celebrate opening of new roadworks

Residents around the Place de Paris recently opened a special Christmas Market to celebrate the arrival of new road works along the Avenue de Liberty this week. The local residents committee approved the event weeks ago with all residents in full support of the project. “We are so happy to have the roadworks here,” said one neighbour. “With all the […]

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New season of Narcos starts filming in Esch

Eager fans of the famous Netflix series “Narcos” will be pleased to know that the new season is currently being filmed in Esch sur Alzette. Local residents reported that the scenes being filmed were very realistic and almost gave the impression of being a city of crime, just like a real city. After filming in various locations around the country, […]

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Boring people launch petition to ban EVERYTHING

The national society for people who never get invited to parties launched an online petition this morning in a bid to ban absolutely any form of leisure or fun. 4,500 signatures are required in order for the proposed law to be discussed in Parliament and has already gained over 100 signatures. The ban will include just about every fun activity, […]

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People who eat with their mouth open to be deported

Xavier Bettel this weekend managed to pass a new law that will see noisy eaters and people who eat with their mouth open be deported from Luxembourg. The new law, which was passed with a 99% majority, bypasses all existing refugee and immigration laws, will hopefully be brought in before Christmas. “By introducing this law as quickly as possible, we […]

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New plans outlined for airport in Hollerich

The Hollerich independence party this morning released the first image of the proposed Hollerich airport to be built once Hollerich has gained independence from Luxembourg. The single terminal airport is expected to handle up to 100 flights per day and will be a destination for flights from as far away as LaRochette and Septfontaine. Some surprise has come at the […]

Europe

Pinky and the Brain to join Theresa May’s new cabinet

This afternoon, after the shock departure of David Davis and Boris Johnson, it was announced that Pinky and the Brain (Minus et Cortex) would join the UK Government to specialise in Brexit negotiations and general strategy of the UK’s involvement in international relations. More details will be made later as to more specific roles of each character as the UK […]

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Bettel proposes dropping elections and going straight to penalties

Xavier Bettel stunned politicians this morning after suggesting skipping this year’s election voting process and going straight to penalties. The current Prime minister is so confident after seeing England’s victory over Colombia, that he too believes he can win the election by having a penalty shootout. Fellow politicians are said to be in training for a potential penalty situation.