Lydie Polfer takes direct action after scooter spotted at protest

Luxembourg City mayor, Lydie Polfer promised immediate action yesterday after residents of the gare area protested at the bottom of rue de Strasbourg against rising numbers of drug dealers and prostitution in the area.

The protest went mostly unnoticed by government officials until a child on a scooter appeared at the protest.

As the emergency news reached government offices, Mme Polfer promised direct action against this menace of the streets.

An official report is yet to be made, but if rumours are to become true, it appears that Mme Polfer would prefer to keep the dealers on the streets and ban the use of rentable Scooters.

More news as it breaks.

Luxembourg legalises Hämmelsmarsch band hunting

Luxembourgish government this weekend voted on allowing members of the public to legally be able to hunt Hämmelsmarsch bands and their members.

Fear has been growing for several years after an undercover operation unveiled a hardcore extremist group operating around the country known as the ‘BBB’, (Brass Band Bastards).

The group are known for targeting members of the public on random Sunday mornings throughout the year and are almost guaranteed to target either tired or extremely hungover people with banging drums and bad sounding trumpets.

The new law was passed with a 99% majority vote in Parliament and will come into force immediately.

Legal ownership of firearms is also being considered for Hämmelsmarsch band hunting purposes only.

City Sightseeing Bus adds roadworks tour route

The famous “Hop On-Hop Off” sightseeing bus company has announced a new tour route covering Luxembourg’s roadworks, or chantiers to its options of viewing the city.

In addition to current routes, the roadworks tour will show passengers all of the current road holes and explain the history behind each hole including how many times it has been dug up and how many years it took to complete each “1 week project”.

More info can be found on their website.

Chaos as 18,000 people bring their own car to concert

Traffic chaos hit Luxembourg on Saturday night as pretty much EVERYONE who attended the Rammstein concert decided to bring their own car.

In typical Luxembourg fashion, public transport was seen as an unnecessary option and many people thought it would save time to just drive to the concert in individual cars.

This led to many hours of cars queueing to get out of the parking area.

One concert goer we spoke to commented: “Majoooo haaa! I don’t take the bus to come here. I drive my BMW and my friends will all take their cars too. You must be crazy to take the bus!”

 

Hot weather gives legal right to drive like an idiot

Audi drivers rejoiced this morning after it was announced by local governments across Europe that the hot weather provides a legal excuse in order to drive like an idiot.

In a rare situation where BMW drivers were able to agree with Audi drivers, it seems that having the roof down and playing extremely loud reggaeton music is temporarily legal for a brief period of time while the sun shines brightly down on Europe.

Cutting corners and being a road hog with also be acceptable during the summer months.

Luxembourg to host world’s first drink driving championships

Luxembourg has been selected to host the world’s first drink driving championships as part of its national branding campaign.

Thousands of competitors have been waiting for years for the opportunity to compete in the event and finally their dreams are coming true.

Drink driving has been an unofficial sport in the grand duchy for years thanks to phenomenally high taxi prices and lack of long distance late night transport.

Regional heats will be organised between the city and Grevenmacher as well as Echternach and Diekirch.

Drivers are expected to tackle tight corners while overtaking cars at high speeds.

Extensive training regimes will be in place to assure drivers that because they own a new BMW, it means they are invincible on the roads.

Plastic gold star badges will be awarded to the winners as well as social recognition from their well connected local commune friends.

Losers will probably get a small fine.

Satellite images emerge of Troisvierges

Scientists this week revealed images taken from satellites in space of Troisvierges in the north of Luxembourg.

The location, known mostly to the public as some place that a couple of trains go to and the occasional bus, is set to become the next area of exploration.

Space mining companies are keen to exploit the area for new findings in minerals.

More info to come as Benelux News follows progress.

Local man determined to get drunk for free in supermarket

A local man was on his usual supermarket shopping spree in Bertrange on Friday when he spotted 3 different wine tasting stalls inside the store within a 75 metre radius.

Quick to react to the situation, the man beckoned his girlfriend directly over to the closest wine tasting stand, completely bypassing the noodles section and the Nutella section.

While sipping his second sample of red wine, the mans thoughts were becoming focussed on how many free samples he could get away with at each stand, while carefully calculating the possibilities of finding a possible free snack somewhere in the shop and making a full dinner our of the whole experience.

Sadly, the mans hopes and dreams were destroyed when the realisation came that he and his girlfriend still had to visit the fruit and veg section before the shop closed.

Plans are being made for the next visit.

“Shutting doors on passengers” 2019 competition begins

Bus drivers throughout the country today officially launched the new “Shutting doors on passengers” 2019.

The game which has become quite a competitive sport in recent years, sees bus drivers use their skills to shut the rear doors ofbthe bus just a split second before the passenger steps on to the bus, ensuring the doors manage to “catch” them as they are just off the pavement outside.

Bonus points are also given if they manage to catch a passenger stepping off the bus as well.

“I managed to get over 1,500 people last year,” said one driver. “I’m really going to go for gold this year.”

The competition starts now and will be continuing for the remainder of the year.

Calais Migrants to launch new Ferry service after Brexit

As the countdown to Brexit gets lower, migrants at the famous “Calais Jungle Camp” have got together to launch a new business opportunity.

Claiming to have more operating boats than Seaborne Freight, the service will launch on the final day of March, 2019.

After Seaborne Freight lost the €13.8 million contract to operate between the UK and the EU, the migrants launched their own business which will deal with regular transport across the channel for a fraction of the price of previous boat companies.

Using a “Ryanair” approach to facilities and basic needs, the new boat company hopes to transport up to 10,000 passengers a week across the channel.

French authorities have given the project the go ahead and have encouraged the service with a tax-free offer that is valid for several months during the start up process.

Several of the “Jungle Camp’s” residents were very pleased with the new initiative.

“We have a lot of problems with obtaining transport”, said one resident. “Finally now we can travel across the sea and not be held back by unnecessary Euro Tunnel security measures.”