Hotels compete for Worlds smallest glass of orange juice

This summer, Europe saw its hotels compete for the world title of “Smallest Glass of Orange Juice at Breakfast.”

Competition was fierce with some hotels offering only small shot glasses in attempts to save money and gain the title.

Many hotel visitors reported multiple trips to the juice machine and long queues each time as demand soared to quench their thirst before the day started.

Results are yet to be published for the winners.

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Socks and Sandals to be made illegal by Summer 2019

New law proposals were approved this morning that would ban the wearing of socks with sandals in all public places by as early as next summer.

The bill was passed in the chambres des deputies with an overwhelming 94% vote in favour.

Checks at the gare as well as border controls will become stricter.

Extra security checks in supermarket parking areas are also expected to begin by May next year.

Heavy fines and possible custodial sentences for repeat offenders will be given to anyone of any age wearing this monstrosity.

You have been warned.

People who eat with their mouth open to be deported

Xavier Bettel this weekend managed to pass a new law that will see noisy eaters and people who eat with their mouth open be deported from Luxembourg.

The new law, which was passed with a 99% majority, bypasses all existing refugee and immigration laws, will hopefully be brought in before Christmas.

“By introducing this law as quickly as possible, we hope to brighten families Christmas dinners and meals for all of our citizens for years to come.” said a spokesman.

As the new law stands, offenders will be deported back to their country of origin, while any national passport holder will be held in solitary confinement in the old hospital in Ettelbréck for up to 6 months, and released part time in order to learn how to eat properly.

New plans outlined for airport in Hollerich

The Hollerich independence party this morning released the first image of the proposed Hollerich airport to be built once Hollerich has gained independence from Luxembourg.

The single terminal airport is expected to handle up to 100 flights per day and will be a destination for flights from as far away as LaRochette and Septfontaine.

Some surprise has come at the decision to build the new terminal on top of the existing cemetery. While some politicians have raised serious concerns over moral values of the construction location, the architects and planners insist they conducted a survey in the cemetery and received no objections.

“Having the airport located in Hollerich will put short haul budget flights such as Easyjet in direct competition with Luxembourg’s taxi companies, as they will be able to offer cheap, short flights from Findel to Hollerich and thus saving a lot of money for the consumer.” Said a spokesman.

When asked by Benelux News if there were any objections from neighbours in Merl, he replied: “Merl residents have always had life good and have always thought of themselves as ‘better than Hollerich’. We intend to change that attitude. We want to make everyone equally thought of and will be directing some of our flight paths directly over Merl park and will be adding an extra tax to local residents to cover the charge for the terminal cleaners. In return, we offer sandwiches and drinks at the airport at a fraction of the cost of Findel. I think the money saved on Crémant as pre holiday drinks will more than make up for the cost difference.”

The plans for the terminal and runways can be seen below.

hollerich_airport

Pinky and the Brain to join Theresa May’s new cabinet

This afternoon, after the shock departure of David Davis and Boris Johnson, it was announced that Pinky and the Brain (Minus et Cortex) would join the UK Government to specialise in Brexit negotiations and general strategy of the UK’s involvement in international relations.

More details will be made later as to more specific roles of each character as the UK Tory government becomes more formed.