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New Luxembourg Monopoly game scrapped because not enough paper money can be printed

The latest edition of the popular board game Monopoly has had its latest Luxembourg Edition cancelled after the game making company revealed that there simply isn’t enough paper in the region to print for in game money. The findings come after various environmental attempts to cut down on paper usage have conflicted with rising property prices in the grand duchy. […]

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Woman spends 2 days going up Auchan escalator

Crowds gathered at the top of one of the Auchan escalators this afternoon after a local woman was reported to have made a two day journey up to the first floor of the supermarket complex. The journey started on Wednesday morning just as the lunch time rush was getting underway. Auchan escalators are well known for being notoriously slow, to […]

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Moron boss already planning “important” email to send at 17.55 on Friday

Rumours circulating around the city today were confirmed true and revealed by Benelux News that a total moron boss is already planning an “important” email to send out to colleagues just 5 minutes before home time on Friday.  Benelux News reporters were first on the scene to speak with the manager, but he seemed reluctant to talk.  “It’s impossible to […]

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Luxembourg residents advised to stock up on beer in case of being snowed in 

Authorities issued a warning to all Luxembourg residents this morning to stock up on additional beer during the winter season. As reports came in of more snow being forecast, the government decided to act quickly. Benelux News was first to receive the announcement and managed to get a quick interview. “We could see possible dangers coming.” Said a spokesman. “We […]

Daily Life

Mafia “in awe” of Luxembourg Taxi companies

Mafia groups from across the world have admitted that they are “in awe” of Luxembourg taxi companies. The high fares for small distances have proved to be a fantastic extortion technique and various mafias are said to be looking in to following suit. “It’s absolutely amazing” said one mafia member, refusing to give his name. “You pay for a normal […]

Europe

Ski Twat Season only a matter of weeks away

Ski Twats across the country and indeed across Europe are already deciding on which ridiculously expensive, twatty sunglasses to wear on the ski slopes in the coming season. Local sports shop owner, Jean-Claude, gave Benelux News an interview to tell us all about what’s been popular in the shop recently. “The new ski outfits are flying out the door. I […]

Daily Life

Luxembourg’s New Police announce opening times for Christmas and New Year 

The so called “New Police” force in Luxembourg have officially announced their opening times for stations across the country. Residents are advised to take note in case of emergency over the festive season. 24th December: Until around 5pm ish. 25th December: Not really sure. Maybe in the evening? 26th December: Probably after 10am. 31st December: Really late, like 11pm or […]