“Shutting doors on passengers” 2019 competition begins

Bus drivers throughout the country today officially launched the new “Shutting doors on passengers” 2019.

The game which has become quite a competitive sport in recent years, sees bus drivers use their skills to shut the rear doors ofbthe bus just a split second before the passenger steps on to the bus, ensuring the doors manage to “catch” them as they are just off the pavement outside.

Bonus points are also given if they manage to catch a passenger stepping off the bus as well.

“I managed to get over 1,500 people last year,” said one driver. “I’m really going to go for gold this year.”

The competition starts now and will be continuing for the remainder of the year.

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Calais Migrants to launch new Ferry service after Brexit

As the countdown to Brexit gets lower, migrants at the famous “Calais Jungle Camp” have got together to launch a new business opportunity.

Claiming to have more operating boats than Seaborne Freight, the service will launch on the final day of March, 2019.

After Seaborne Freight lost the €13.8 million contract to operate between the UK and the EU, the migrants launched their own business which will deal with regular transport across the channel for a fraction of the price of previous boat companies.

Using a “Ryanair” approach to facilities and basic needs, the new boat company hopes to transport up to 10,000 passengers a week across the channel.

French authorities have given the project the go ahead and have encouraged the service with a tax-free offer that is valid for several months during the start up process.

Several of the “Jungle Camp’s” residents were very pleased with the new initiative.

“We have a lot of problems with obtaining transport”, said one resident. “Finally now we can travel across the sea and not be held back by unnecessary Euro Tunnel security measures.”

 

 

Growing concern for Tram getting bullied by other cars

After conducting a crash test last Saturday between a car and the new tram, concerns are growing for the safety of the tram.

Experts have highlighted potential dangers of bullying and so called “mobbing”, not from people, but from other cars using the road.

“During the crash test, we could hear other cars passing by and making snide comments as they did,” said one spokeswoman. “Things were being mumbled between cars at the traffic lights just a few metres away. Things like ‘He wishes he was a real car’ and ‘He needs stabiliser tracks to ride on the real roads’.” 

Other witnesses heard the word “trammy” being shouted across the road several times.

If you are a tram and have been affected by other road users, please contact Benelux News to share your story.

People who push in through back doors of buses “eager to get started” on new challenge

A spokesperson for the association of people who push in through the back doors of buses before other passengers can get off stated this morning that it’s members are getting very excited about the new tram coming and are “eager to get started”.

“Our members have been practising for months now and are highly confident we can cause just as much of a nuisance pushing our way on to the tram as we can with buses.”

In anticipation of the tram project, members of the association have been practising extra hard and even taking on challenges such as the side entrance doors to Utopolis and entrance to the Gare during rush hour.

“The trick will be pushing on but not breaking the tram doors”, said the spokesperson. “But we are confident we can pull this off.”

City Shopping Bus to replace bigger buses during rush hour

New proposals were put forward on Friday morning to replace current single deck buses with the smaller City Shopping Bus during peak periods.

With current buses already at full capacity, just how far can this trend go?

Benelux News team were the first to speak with a spokesman. 

“We have been running buses with a single part during morning rush hour for some time now,” said the spokesman. “We wanted to see just how many people we could cram into a small space, while providing big double buses for the barely used village routes because the villagers like to spread out a bit.”

If the project proves to be a success,  mini “shuttle” buses may also be considered. 

“Alarm” revealed as secret code word for Crémant

Thousands of commuters were left stunned this afternoon as a secret code was leaked to the public in the form of train code words.

It is an increasingly regular occurrence for Luxembourg trains to stop on the tracks with claims of an alarm being started either on the train or on another train somewhere down the line.

Now Benelux News can reveal that “Alarm” is coded language for Crémant and is used when the train drivers feel like having a drink.

“Alcohol use is very common among our public service workers,” claimed a spokesman. “We just love to annoy our passengers and celebrate doing so by having a drink behind the locked train door.”

“We prefer to stop in the middle of a track between stations,” said one of the drivers, who did not want to be named. “This way the passengers have no option of disembarking and finding alternative transport.”  

CFL refused to comment. 

Pushing in through back doors of bus to become Olympic sport

The Office of public transport announced today that Luxembourg will be competing in the next Olympics.

Hosted in 2020, Luxembourg will fly several planes to the Olympics to compete for the gold medal for pushing in through the back doors of buses before other people can get off.

“There is strong support for this new event,” said a spokesman, “people all over the country have been practicing for a long time and we anticipate great results.”

“We are starting to see this craze spread on to trains and we will be looking into forming seperate teams for buses, trains and soon trams. It’s a very exciting time to travel.”

The government is urging locals to get as much practice as possible for a chance to compete, though we think there are many people here worthy of the gold medal.