Authorities discover secret cafes under schools

A big surprise this week as authorities discovered several secretly hidden bars, cafes, restaurants and discos this week underneath a number of primary schools across the country.

As covid cases raised steadily among pupils, leading the government to make decisions to close schools, it seems that the new spread of the virus seems to have come from the underground caves hosting the illegal restaurants.

Students as young as 4 have been rumoured to regularly drink in these establishments, prompting an enquiry by the Police.

“It is now clear where this is coming from,” said an education spokesperson. “By shutting down the schools, we can therefore stop the students going into the secret restaurants and stop the spread once and for all.”

Teachers to be armed with access to turn off the wifi box

As harsh measures were brought in this week after Donald Trump said that teachers will be carrying guns following the mass school shooting in Florida, Luxembourg is taking no chances and will be providing all teachers nationwide with privileged access to all wifi boxes and internet connections.

The teachers will have the option to turn off the wifi at any time if they see any pupils becoming unruly or becoming distracted and posing a danger to the class.

“Concerns have been growing for some time about the general mental health of the young people,” said one teacher. “We stand a chance of losing an entire generation to Snapchat and stop dogs ears.”

Some people, mostly the younger generation, have considered the move one step too far.

Benelux News will keep up to date with all the progress as it becomes available.

INL research team finally launches international language website 

The International School of Languages in Luxembourg have made a breakthrough decision to relaunch their website in multiple languages.

The new website will feature a choice of 5 languages and users will finally be able to navigate around the previously badly designed piece of crap they called a “website.”

A spokesman said “Who would have thought the general public wanted a multi lingual website for an international language school?! After hiring a well renowned investigation and PR team at a very expensive price, we can now accommodate more students and actually make it look worthwhile.”

Inscriptions are now being taken at