Woman can’t wait to completely change menu items

Restaurants across the country are currently preparing themselves for the arrival of a woman, or potentially several people who want to completely change what’s on the menu in their local restaurant.

Despite the menu clearly explaining what’s featured on the plate, changes must be made!

The woman is expected to request no onions, gluten free bread (even though gluten is not really a problem for her), the sauce to be separated into some strange side dish, order the meat super rare and then complain that it’s not cooked enough, insisting on a side salad but only eating two mouthfuls and leaving the rest.

“This is a growing problem,” said one restaurant owner. “Some people come in here thinking they know how to run a kitchen, but quickly realise they have no clue about cooking at all.”

Kitchen staff across the country will be expected to simultaneously roll their eyes whenever people make these kind of orders.

Local woman convinced she is actually saving money during shop sales

Benelux News caught up with a local woman this week who is absolutely convinced she is saving money by buying more things in shops displaying the “soldes” or sales sign in the window. 

The signs work as a kind of magnet for women while walking within 3 square kilometres of a shop, according to sources. Which has tricked many women on a global scale into actually believing they are saving money by spending less than they would have done normally. 

“Look, I saved 60% on these new shoes.” said the lady when approached by our reporters. “I saved 40% on this bag and 20% on this top.”

Benelux News reporters then pulled out a calculator to show that she hadn’t actually saved anything at all, which seemed to fall on deaf ears.

There seemed to be no perception of reality at all as she drifted off in the direction of another soldes sign.