Woman can’t wait to completely change menu items

Restaurants across the country are currently preparing themselves for the arrival of a woman, or potentially several people who want to completely change what’s on the menu in their local restaurant.

Despite the menu clearly explaining what’s featured on the plate, changes must be made!

The woman is expected to request no onions, gluten free bread (even though gluten is not really a problem for her), the sauce to be separated into some strange side dish, order the meat super rare and then complain that it’s not cooked enough, insisting on a side salad but only eating two mouthfuls and leaving the rest.

“This is a growing problem,” said one restaurant owner. “Some people come in here thinking they know how to run a kitchen, but quickly realise they have no clue about cooking at all.”

Kitchen staff across the country will be expected to simultaneously roll their eyes whenever people make these kind of orders.

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Moron boss already planning “important” email to send at 17.55 on Friday

Rumours circulating around the city today were confirmed true and revealed by Benelux News that a total moron boss is already planning an “important” email to send out to colleagues just 5 minutes before home time on Friday. 

Benelux News reporters were first on the scene to speak with the manager, but he seemed reluctant to talk. 

“It’s impossible to predict how much work we will get this week.” Was his only comment as he scurried back to his desk. 

After interviewing some of his colleagues, we seemed to get a negative response. 

“That little weasel has absolutely no friends at all outside of work. Can’t stand him.” Was just one of the responses we got. 

More updates as they unfold. 

Tax office workers receive calculators as Christmas bonus.

Tax office workers were today awarded calculators to help “get things right” at work.

After only being able to calculate up until 2013 using bean counters and their fingers, the new bonus promises to help them get up to speed abd hopefully be able to get the right calculations, instead of just sending out random predictions and “guesses” to how much tax people owe.

Management welcomed the move and had decided that this was a good investment that not only saved money on paying the 13th month bonus, it would also save time and money in the long run.

“With the money we save, hopefully we can shave off some of the old wood who were just employed because they are local,” said a spokesman.

The future may be looking up for Luxembourg taxes.

Workaholic can’t understand why colleagues are happy it’s Friday

A city centre office workaholic with no friends simply can’t understand why his colleagues are happy it’s Friday, it was revealed today.

The statement came as fellow colleagues were discussing weekend plans in the office during a coffee break.

“They were discussing what they are planning to do this weekend and someone suggested leaving a bit early,” the man said.

“It is beyond me how some people actually try to live their lives at the weekend. So immediately, I went through some old emails in desperate search of some work that could be done and keep them in the office longer, so it would distract me from my lonely, friendless weekend.”

At the time of publication, reports from colleagues suggested that some extra work had appeared out of nowhere and likely to keep them until at least 5 minutes after they are normally scheduled to leave the office.

Boring work colleague did nothing exciting over the weekend 

A local man with no actual friends responded when asked about his weekend as doing “nothing much” for the 183rd consecutive Monday in a row this morning. 

The man who works in a large city office highlighted watering his plants and watching a bit of TV as his highlights while sipping his hot morning coffee. 

Notorious for having no friends, he said that he loves weekdays and is secretly dreading the coming weekend.

“I just don’t understand people who actually go out and live their lives properly on the weekend,” he said. “I hate even popping out the office for lunch.”

When asked about his coming weekend plans, he had no further comments.