Woman can’t wait to completely change menu items

Restaurants across the country are currently preparing themselves for the arrival of a woman, or potentially several people who want to completely change what’s on the menu in their local restaurant.

Despite the menu clearly explaining what’s featured on the plate, changes must be made!

The woman is expected to request no onions, gluten free bread (even though gluten is not really a problem for her), the sauce to be separated into some strange side dish, order the meat super rare and then complain that it’s not cooked enough, insisting on a side salad but only eating two mouthfuls and leaving the rest.

“This is a growing problem,” said one restaurant owner. “Some people come in here thinking they know how to run a kitchen, but quickly realise they have no clue about cooking at all.”

Kitchen staff across the country will be expected to simultaneously roll their eyes whenever people make these kind of orders.

Bettel to tax cross border workers for not tipping restaurant staff

Xavier Bettel this morning proposed a new law which would see tax reforms come in that would make up for lost revenue from lack of bar and restaurant staff tips.

Under the new law, French cross border workers would be penalised when crossing the border by being made to put at least 2 euros into a tip box located at the side of the motorway where border posts are, or on the final train stations platforms just inside the Luxembourg borders.

A government spokesman said “The fact is that the French are well known for giving little, or no tips. With all the money they earn here, they should be tipping bar and restaurant staff much better, but they don’t. So we will reclaim that money at the border.”

Outrage as woman who doesn’t want dessert eats half of man’s dessert

There were scenes of silent outrage last night after a couple enjoying dinner for two in a restaurant.

After a delicious main course, the waitress asked the couple if they would like dessert or coffee.

The woman immediately claimed she didn’t want anything more as she didn’t want to eat anything sweet or fattening.

The man, who had been looking forward to a nice slice of cheesecake after the meal immediately ordered.

When the cheesecake arrived, the woman asked for a second spoon which is when the trouble started.

“I couldn’t believe it.” said the man. “First she said she didn’t want any, now she wants some.”

The frustration grew as the woman took several spoons of the dessert which quickly became half of the cheesecake.

“I was tempted to order a second helping.”

The man is currently calculating the best way to get around this issue in future.

Restaurants already preparing crappy, overpriced Valentines menu

Restaurants across Europe are already hard at work preparing crappy, half-assed menus for an overly inflated price. 

“We are already excited to get rid of the rest of tomorrow’s plats du jour,” said one restaurant owner not far from the Place D’armes in Luxembourg. “We basically just give them bad service, serve them a tiny main plate and follow it up with a massive plate of lousy ice-cream.”

When Benelux News asked if customers ever complain, she replied; “Customers complain all the time, so we just accuse them of being rude to our staff. It works every time. I’m surprised we are still in business to be honest.”

Chambre des députés to discuss banning French people from restaurants 

Local politicians will meet today to discuss the potential banning of French people from Luxembourg’s restaurants. 

It comes after a petition signed by over 10,000 restaurant workers was brought to parliament for debate.

The primary reason for the petition was all about the lack of tips given by French customers. 

Benelux News visited one of the restaurants that signed the petition. 

“The French people simply don’t tip.” said one waitress. “They only come to Luxembourg for the money and the benefits, but never leave a tip. Because of this, we don’t want them here any more.”

Benelux News will keep you updated with more details as they come in.

Loud Americans manage to annoy entire restaurant 

Hungry eaters were left feeling frustrated last night after a group of American business men went for dinner at a city centre restaurant. 

The group of four men sat down at a table around 8 o’clock and made their presence very known. 

The group were talking and laughing loudly while they discussed various topics, all related to work and being in the office. 

Other customers quickly noticed how boring the conversation was, although it seemed to be very amusing to the American businessmen.

“They just talked about ‘the Boston office’ and some associate of theirs,” one of the nearby diners said.

“We knew they were truly stupid when one of the men asked for tomato ketchup with his prawns.” 

The restaurant was reported to drop several decibels in sound levels after the men had left.

Restaurant workers have been warned to keep an eye out for these men as a warning for possible future visits.