Traffic chaos hit Luxembourg on Saturday night as pretty much EVERYONE who attended the Rammstein concert decided to bring their own car.
In typical Luxembourg fashion, public transport was seen as an unnecessary option and many people thought it would save time to just drive to the concert in individual cars.
This led to many hours of cars queueing to get out of the parking area.
One concert goer we spoke to commented: “Majoooo haaa! I don’t take the bus to come here. I drive my BMW and my friends will all take their cars too. You must be crazy to take the bus!”
Audi drivers rejoiced this morning after it was announced by local governments across Europe that the hot weather provides a legal excuse in order to drive like an idiot.
In a rare situation where BMW drivers were able to agree with Audi drivers, it seems that having the roof down and playing extremely loud reggaeton music is temporarily legal for a brief period of time while the sun shines brightly down on Europe.
Cutting corners and being a road hog with also be acceptable during the summer months.
Luxembourg has been selected to host the world’s first drink driving championships as part of its national branding campaign.
Thousands of competitors have been waiting for years for the opportunity to compete in the event and finally their dreams are coming true.
Drink driving has been an unofficial sport in the grand duchy for years thanks to phenomenally high taxi prices and lack of long distance late night transport.
Regional heats will be organised between the city and Grevenmacher as well as Echternach and Diekirch.
Drivers are expected to tackle tight corners while overtaking cars at high speeds.
Extensive training regimes will be in place to assure drivers that because they own a new BMW, it means they are invincible on the roads.
Plastic gold star badges will be awarded to the winners as well as social recognition from their well connected local commune friends.
Losers will probably get a small fine.
Scientists this week revealed images taken from satellites in space of Troisvierges in the north of Luxembourg.
The location, known mostly to the public as some place that a couple of trains go to and the occasional bus, is set to become the next area of exploration.
Space mining companies are keen to exploit the area for new findings in minerals.
More info to come as Benelux News follows progress.
A local man was on his usual supermarket shopping spree in Bertrange on Friday when he spotted 3 different wine tasting stalls inside the store within a 75 metre radius.
Quick to react to the situation, the man beckoned his girlfriend directly over to the closest wine tasting stand, completely bypassing the noodles section and the Nutella section.
While sipping his second sample of red wine, the mans thoughts were becoming focussed on how many free samples he could get away with at each stand, while carefully calculating the possibilities of finding a possible free snack somewhere in the shop and making a full dinner our of the whole experience.
Sadly, the mans hopes and dreams were destroyed when the realisation came that he and his girlfriend still had to visit the fruit and veg section before the shop closed.
Plans are being made for the next visit.
Bus drivers throughout the country today officially launched the new “Shutting doors on passengers” 2019.
The game which has become quite a competitive sport in recent years, sees bus drivers use their skills to shut the rear doors ofbthe bus just a split second before the passenger steps on to the bus, ensuring the doors manage to “catch” them as they are just off the pavement outside.
Bonus points are also given if they manage to catch a passenger stepping off the bus as well.
“I managed to get over 1,500 people last year,” said one driver. “I’m really going to go for gold this year.”
The competition starts now and will be continuing for the remainder of the year.
As the countdown to Brexit gets lower, migrants at the famous “Calais Jungle Camp” have got together to launch a new business opportunity.
Claiming to have more operating boats than Seaborne Freight, the service will launch on the final day of March, 2019.
After Seaborne Freight lost the €13.8 million contract to operate between the UK and the EU, the migrants launched their own business which will deal with regular transport across the channel for a fraction of the price of previous boat companies.
Using a “Ryanair” approach to facilities and basic needs, the new boat company hopes to transport up to 10,000 passengers a week across the channel.
French authorities have given the project the go ahead and have encouraged the service with a tax-free offer that is valid for several months during the start up process.
Several of the “Jungle Camp’s” residents were very pleased with the new initiative.
“We have a lot of problems with obtaining transport”, said one resident. “Finally now we can travel across the sea and not be held back by unnecessary Euro Tunnel security measures.”
A government alert was sent out today to warn Luxembourg residents not to drink in venues that use “silly little measuring things.”
As part of a government clampdown on boring establishments, the silly little measuring things, known as jiggers, are officially recognised as party killers and just put people off buying drinks. Especially when you pay an average of 12 euros for most drinks using spirits.
Benelux News got an exclusive interview with one party regular.
“It’s like they are just killing the fun.” Said the woman. “We are paying a lot of money for these drinks and the last thing we need us some boring party pooper to ‘limit’ our fun.”
Government advice given to bars is to stop being meanies and get the party started!
Restaurants across the country are currently preparing themselves for the arrival of a woman, or potentially several people who want to completely change what’s on the menu in their local restaurant.
Despite the menu clearly explaining what’s featured on the plate, changes must be made!
The woman is expected to request no onions, gluten free bread (even though gluten is not really a problem for her), the sauce to be separated into some strange side dish, order the meat super rare and then complain that it’s not cooked enough, insisting on a side salad but only eating two mouthfuls and leaving the rest.
“This is a growing problem,” said one restaurant owner. “Some people come in here thinking they know how to run a kitchen, but quickly realise they have no clue about cooking at all.”
Kitchen staff across the country will be expected to simultaneously roll their eyes whenever people make these kind of orders.
A recent study between customers and workers confirmed today that the majority of McDonalds managers are absolute tossers.
The recent findings were confirmed by workers who witnessed the managers saying to senior management that they will “turn this company around” and “we can hit our peak of shit burger sales under my command.”
The managers were witnessed to be smart arse bastards while making their employees and teams feel like shit while serving shit burgers.
Crap haircuts were also widely reported.