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Emergency services issue warning to swiss football fans

Luxembourg’s emergency services issued a warning to football fans attending matches broadcast on the Glacis car park this morning, after dozens of Switzerland fans piled into the First Aid tent, thinking they could get a better view of the game while chanting “Hop Suisse” Fans were reminded that the First Aid tent is for any people who may need emergency […]

Daily Life

Bus air-conditioning to become an “optional extra”

Sighs of relief were felt across the country today, as bus companies announced that air-conditioning in buses will be available on some routes as an “optional extra”. Despite Luxembourg being one of the richest countries in the world, the standard of air conditioning in public buildings and public transport remains a laughing stock when compared to other poorer countries who […]

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Immobilière puts bird house on market for €90,000

Immobilières across the country are delighted to have a new range of bird houses released on to the market this week, after it was announced they could fetch up to almost 100k. There will be two types available, from the luxury bird penthouses (90k) to the smaller green birdhouses designed for social bird housing for around 55k. “At only €2,000 […]

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Shop selling absolute crap somehow still in business

Mystery surrounds many shops in Luxembourg, between a mix of lazy service and rude shopkeepers, overpriced goods and just bizarre items on sale. Benelux News has also come across several shops that sell absolute crap and somehow manage to stay in business after many years. With rent so high for shops and commercial places, the general public seems to be […]


New UK Passports to be made from hemp

News broke this morning that the new blue UK Passports will be made from hemp after Franco-Dutch company Gemalto revealed they will be taking care of production. Brexiteers reacted furiously after news broke that the passports wouldn’t be being produced in some local shit hole factory in a strange northern town, populated by inbreds left behind after all the Polish […]

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After 3 months, woman finally gets parking place at Auchan

You may remember, back in December, Benelux News managed to get an exclusive interview with a woman who had been driving around Auchan car park for 3 days trying to find a space. You can read the interview here: https://beneluxnews.net/2017/12/19/woman-enters-3rd-day-of-driving-round-auchan-car-park/ It turns out she has finally found one 3 MONTHS later! Benelux News was again first on the scene and […]

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Monday cancelled due to lack of interest

A feeling of ease was felt across the country this morning after it was officially announced by local government that a decision had been made to cancel Monday due to a lack of interest. Government officials are currently discussing banning Mondays completely and are hoping to come to a conclusive decision in the coming weeks.

Daily Life

Police stop international terrorist search to arrest teenager for small bag of weed

Luxembourg Police on Friday decided that they no longer can be bothered to seek out a possible international terrorist threat and instead pick on some local teenagers smoking a joint. After some discussion between senior officers, it was decided that because nothing really terrorist related had happened, they would give some basic training to the Palace guards who could then […]