Category: Europe

After the Brexit vote for Great Britain to leave the European Union, Jean-Claude Juncker and fellow politicians have decided not to wait for Article 50 to be signed and have decided to remove the UK early, stating risks to European Nightlife across all member countries.

“We have many Brits still living in the EU” said Mr Juncker, “before these people go back, there will be opportunities for Brits to stay, but there are many who will get pregnant in order to stay in their chosen European country”.

After sufficient evidence came to light in the European Parliament this week, we have decided to take this action, in order to avoid a breeding epidemic within the EU of these people.

“We have released pictures and video to support our findings and hope that people understand our decision.”

“The UK simply MUST leave as soon as possible.” Mr Juncker concluded.

Belgian authorities this week have given the go ahead for driving licences to be given away free with limited edition boxes of breakfast cereal.

The controversial move was inspired by studies of various driving qualities across Wallonia and Flanders regions which should see many new drivers speed up the licensing application process to the national standard.

Unions showed anger towards the authorities for not protecting instructors jobs, but were quickly corrected by government officials saying that it will not make a difference to current driving practices on the roads and could make Belgian roads a safer place to drive.

Current driving instructors have been promised jobs in beer factories.

A recent study has shown that 98% of British people are hoping that Great Britain will leave the EU before the English football fans can return across the border.

Given the recent behaviour of the fans, British people are hoping to not only keep the returning fans out of the UK, but are also hoping that by voting out, the island of Britain will somehow magically move slightly geographically away from the continent.

This has angered France particularly, who have released a statement saying: “non, we don’t want zem eezer!”

Meanwhile, President Putin has offered asylum for the embarrassed fans in Russia. He has offered to take good care of them, with his fellow comrades.