Tag: xavier bettel

People who eat with their mouth open to be deported

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

Xavier Bettel this weekend managed to pass a new law that will see noisy eaters and people who eat with their mouth open be deported from Luxembourg.

The new law, which was passed with a 99% majority, bypasses all existing refugee and immigration laws, will hopefully be brought in before Christmas.

“By introducing this law as quickly as possible, we hope to brighten families Christmas dinners and meals for all of our citizens for years to come.” said a spokesman.

As the new law stands, offenders will be deported back to their country of origin, while any national passport holder will be held in solitary confinement in the old hospital in Ettelbréck for up to 6 months, and released part time in order to learn how to eat properly.

Bettel proposes free taxis in new electoral programme

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

Xavier Bettel this morning announced his proposal for free taxis around the country if successful in the next election.

It is thought that the taxis will be paid for by taxing cross border workers.

As the electoral debate heats up, politicians seem to be making all kinds of promises in order to gain your vote.

Bettel proposes dropping elections and going straight to penalties

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

Xavier Bettel stunned politicians this morning after suggesting skipping this year’s election voting process and going straight to penalties.

The current Prime minister is so confident after seeing England’s victory over Colombia, that he too believes he can win the election by having a penalty shootout.

Fellow politicians are said to be in training for a potential penalty situation.

Bettel to tax cross border workers for not tipping restaurant staff

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

Xavier Bettel this morning proposed a new law which would see tax reforms come in that would make up for lost revenue from lack of bar and restaurant staff tips.

Under the new law, French cross border workers would be penalised when crossing the border by being made to put at least 2 euros into a tip box located at the side of the motorway where border posts are, or on the final train stations platforms just inside the Luxembourg borders.

A government spokesman said “The fact is that the French are well known for giving little, or no tips. With all the money they earn here, they should be tipping bar and restaurant staff much better, but they don’t. So we will reclaim that money at the border.”

Politicians call for Bettel to resign after croissants hit €1.30

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

Xavier Bettel’s ratings in local polls hit an all time low this morning after prices of croissants hit an all time high.

Some local bakeries are now selling croissants as high as €1.30, which has caused a public outcry.

Politicians have called for Mr Bettel to resign after the public voiced their opinion.

“It’s out of control now,” said one lady interviewed this morning outside her local bakery on the way to work. “On Friday I have buy croissants for the entire office. I just don’t know how I’m going to be able to afford it on my salary.”

Ministers will be meeting this week to discuss the future of the Prime Minister.