Mugabe application rejected as President of new Hollerich

Robert Mugabe was informed today just hours after standing down from his role in Zimbabwe, that his recent application for President of the new Hollerich has been rejected.

According to inside sources, despite his proposals for a “better Hollerich,” his past record with value of the Zimbabwe Dollar was simply too big a risk for the proposed Holler Dollar, due to come in to circulation in the coming months.

A spokesman said; “We simply cannot risk the Holler Dollar losing value, as we expect it to come in to the financial market with a high value. Therefore Mr Mugabe is simply not a suitable candidate.”

World’s biggest facepalm causes earthquake fears after Trump wins presidency

Emergency services were alerted this morning after the world’s biggest simultaneous facepalm triggered earthquake warnings reaching 7.2 on the richter magnitude scale.

Donald Trump’s elected presidency triggered the tremors so strong, even the financial markets collapsed.

Despite reassuring speeches and statements made from the new President and relevant authorities, world citizens are being told to be vigilant.