Category: Daily Life

Politicians call for Bettel to resign after croissants hit €1.30

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

Xavier Bettel’s ratings in local polls hit an all time low this morning after prices of croissants hit an all time high.

Some local bakeries are now selling croissants as high as €1.30, which has caused a public outcry.

Politicians have called for Mr Bettel to resign after the public voiced their opinion.

“It’s out of control now,” said one lady interviewed this morning outside her local bakery on the way to work. “On Friday I have buy croissants for the entire office. I just don’t know how I’m going to be able to afford it on my salary.”

Ministers will be meeting this week to discuss the future of the Prime Minister.

Luxembourg taxi driver already practicing longest and most expensive routes

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

An ambitious local taxi driver has spent most of Friday afternoon practicing the longest and most expensive routes all over Luxembourg in a desperate effort to show his boss how keen he is.

Jean-Pierre from Thionville failed at most jobs he had in life, but now he is a taxi driver and ready to take on the new role and hopefully climb his way up the ranks.

Having spent many hours learning roads and getting to grips with not driving just fast enough to make it through the next green light, Jean-Pierre is highly confident he can take on the country’s weekend taxi crowd.

“Like this I can drive whichever way I want and hope that my passengers are too drunk to notice.” Said Jean-Pierre. “If they say something about the route, I just make myself sound dumb, point at the Sat-Nav system and blame that.”

Jean-Pierre hopes to apparently “get all the money out of the Luxembourgers’ pockets” and become a Limousine driver one day. We at Benelux News are not so convinced.

Local authorities have recommended to anyone going out this weekend, please don’t use local taxis and use late night buses.

If the late night buses are no longer running, just go have a drink somewhere until the first bus or train. It’s cheaper and you have the best adventures that way.

 

City Shopping Bus to replace bigger buses during rush hour

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

New proposals were put forward on Friday morning to replace current single deck buses with the smaller City Shopping Bus during peak periods.

With current buses already at full capacity, just how far can this trend go?

Benelux News team were the first to speak with a spokesman. 

“We have been running buses with a single part during morning rush hour for some time now,” said the spokesman. “We wanted to see just how many people we could cram into a small space, while providing big double buses for the barely used village routes because the villagers like to spread out a bit.”

If the project proves to be a success,  mini “shuttle” buses may also be considered. 

INL research team finally launches international language website 

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

The International School of Languages in Luxembourg have made a breakthrough decision to relaunch their website in multiple languages.

The new website will feature a choice of 5 languages and users will finally be able to navigate around the previously badly designed piece of crap they called a “website.”

A spokesman said “Who would have thought the general public wanted a multi lingual website for an international language school?! After hiring a well renowned investigation and PR team at a very expensive price, we can now accommodate more students and actually make it look worthwhile.”

Inscriptions are now being taken at www.insl.lu

Boy traumatised after listening to EldoRadio

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

A young boy was rushed to hospital earlier today after accidentally tuning in to EldoRadio. 

It is understood that he listened to an entire hour of music before collapsing on to the floor.

The boys mother immediately phoned for an ambulance and accompanied him to the hospital where he will remain for the coming days under observation. 

It is thought he suffered damage to his ears and emotional well being.

“He was fine until the music started,”  his mother said. “As soon as David Guetta came on he started to shake and eventually collapse.”

More tests are due to be carried out this week.

Taxi company teams up with Immobilier to charge according to social status of residential area

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

Bad news for taxi users this week, as it was announced that new prices are to be introduced that fit in line with the area that you live in.

Luxembourg’s leading taxi company has teamed up with a leading Immobilier company to fix the prices based on which area is more highly valued in the housing market.

“We had a lot of problems with the new taxi fare transparency subject recently,” said a taxi spokesman. “We needed to find a way to reduce prices, but still be able to rip people off. So we put our heads together and came up with this.”

To put this in to perspective, if you live in Belair, you would be charged as much as 10 euros more than a journey of the same distance but just across the road in Merl. We asked the taxi company how that can be justified.

“It’s simple,” said the spokesman. “Belair has kind of a famous name and property can cost a bit more there. So we milk the residents there for everything they have got. Also the Fresh Prince lived in Belair many years ago, which is kind of famous still. So we will go with that excuse for now.”

Roads closed after thousands of Bonnevoie Residents attempt to enter City Centre illegally

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

The Avenue de la Gare remains closed this evening due to a large group of more than 3,000 Bonnevoie residents trying to enter the City Centre illegally earlier today.

Although the problem has been managed for the last few months with upgraded security measures, local Police have been under increased pressure lately after rumours spread that the Alima near the Adem is “a bit nicer”.

A number of anonymous would-be county migrants have informally told Benelux News that the new Louboutin shop in the centre could drive numbers dangerously high, as many women will attempt to cross the bridge over the Petrusse.

However, residents of the city centre have been quick to condemn the heavy-handed tactics of the Police who are keeping them from entering the city, and a humanitarian campaign has already gathered thousands of Cactus cards to ensure that those who do make it across can access a single complimentary Tea or Coffee per day – although a small snack purchase will be necessary if they choose to sit down with their drink in a café.

Current journey times between Bonnevoie and Limpertsberg are taking up to 12 hours, so only travel if absolutely necessary.

Chambre des députés to discuss banning French people from restaurants 

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

Local politicians will meet today to discuss the potential banning of French people from Luxembourg’s restaurants. 

It comes after a petition signed by over 10,000 restaurant workers was brought to parliament for debate.

The primary reason for the petition was all about the lack of tips given by French customers. 

Benelux News visited one of the restaurants that signed the petition. 

“The French people simply don’t tip.” said one waitress. “They only come to Luxembourg for the money and the benefits, but never leave a tip. Because of this, we don’t want them here any more.”

Benelux News will keep you updated with more details as they come in.

AXE launches Luxembourg deodorant, smelling of Cola-Wain and Gromperekichelcher

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

Leading fragrance company, Axe, announced this morning that it will be launching a new scented deodorant that will be called “Axe for Luxembourg” in March 2017 and includes the essences of Cola-Wäin and Gromperekichelcher.

Having run test runs in various parts of the country, Axe is confident the new flavour will catch on, especially in the north of the country.

“We did a test in various places, including the very popular Schueberfouer last summer,” said a spokesman. “We found the mixture of these two fragrances to be highly accurate and attracted a lot of people.”

“We found the effect of the smells had incredible results, with one of our test subjects even managing to start kissing his cousin. It certainly does attract all kinds of women.”

Axe Luxembourg will launch in March in shops around Mersch and will launch in the south later in the year.