As snow fell down on to the Grand Duchy this week, a woman from Grevenmacher celebrated by posting a picture of snow in her street and quoting “yay snow :)” before getting in her car and driving to work.
Benelux News can exclusively reveal that she is not so happy while sitting in a 3 hour traffic jam trying to get to her next destination.
Thousands of young people flocked to the Rockhal this week to see super star and apparent “DJ” press play on a USB player it was revealed.
French super star David Guetta managed to fool yet another concert venue in to thinking he was actually DJing by using a pre-recorded mix put together by a team of people behind the show.
Upon interviewing members of the public attending the so called concert, it appeared that his audience couldn’t tell the difference and some admitting that they don’t even know what a real DJ does.
Awareness campaigns have been circulating for several years after numerous videos showing evidence of David Guetta faking his performance at large festivals such as Tomorrow Land in Belgium.
The latest edition of the popular board game Monopoly has had its latest Luxembourg Edition cancelled after the game making company revealed that there simply isn’t enough paper in the region to print for in game money.
The findings come after various environmental attempts to cut down on paper usage have conflicted with rising property prices in the grand duchy.
“Property prices are absolutely insane now and now even Monopoly cannot afford them.”a source said.
Crowds gathered at the top of one of the Auchan escalators this afternoon after a local woman was reported to have made a two day journey up to the first floor of the supermarket complex.
The journey started on Wednesday morning just as the lunch time rush was getting underway.
Auchan escalators are well known for being notoriously slow, to the point where there are now crowds of people supporting shoppers as they climb slowly up the escalators.
“It’s like a slow version of the Tour de France.” said one bystander.
“I just popped out of the office to get a sandwich,” said the woman. “I can’t believe it took so long, but with the people’s support, it helped me not die of boredom.”
Auchan are rumoured to be giving away discount vouchers to anyone who survive the long climb without just giving up.
Rumours circulating around the city today were confirmed true and revealed by Benelux News that a total moron boss is already planning an “important” email to send out to colleagues just 5 minutes before home time on Friday.
Benelux News reporters were first on the scene to speak with the manager, but he seemed reluctant to talk.
“It’s impossible to predict how much work we will get this week.” Was his only comment as he scurried back to his desk.
After interviewing some of his colleagues, we seemed to get a negative response.
“That little weasel has absolutely no friends at all outside of work. Can’t stand him.” Was just one of the responses we got.
More updates as they unfold.
A man from some weird village somewhere east of the city thinks that everyone really likes him, especially when he is riding his unnecessarily loud motor bike, it was revealed today.
The keen biker who only really rides the bike between home and his crap job has described how the motor bike makes him feel like he is “really cool” and that the general public are really “amazed” when he rides the loud bike home late at night.
“Everyone loves me. I’m absolutely sure of it. Especially when I unnecessarily rev the engine,” said the man. “It’s almost like I’m a real Hells Angel in my imagination.”
Expect the man to be riding loudly past your window some time soon.
Benelux News caught up with a woman who has been driving around Auchan car park for the last 3 days trying to find a parking space.
“I just thought I would get a few extra things before Christmas, but I still haven’t found any place to park yet.”
“I thought I found a space yesterday, but as I approached I saw some bastard had parked a Fiat Cincocento there.”
The woman managed to survive on half a pack of Haribo and a quarter bottle of Rosport Blue.
But she still remains hopeful.
“Any minute now I will find a space. I’m sure it’s just around the next corner.”
Panic spread across the country this afternoon as dozens of men phoned home saying they are snowed in to various bars and cafes.
Harsh weather conditions are to blame as emergency services claim to be unable to help.
“Emergency services are currently stretched to the max dealing with various traffic incidents on the roads.” Claimed a spokesman. “The only thing we can recommend at this time is to stay put and leave at a time when they feel safe enough to travel home.”
Benelux News does not advise anyone trapped in a bar to take any unnecessary risks.
Authorities issued a warning to all Luxembourg residents this morning to stock up on additional beer during the winter season.
As reports came in of more snow being forecast, the government decided to act quickly.
Benelux News was first to receive the announcement and managed to get a quick interview.
“We could see possible dangers coming.” Said a spokesman. “We decided that we need to act quickly to prevent and panic. We have spoken with the necessary suppliers and can confirm that there will be extra supplies being brought in. We are not taking any chances.”
On Friday evening ambulance crews were called after a local man near Merl fell into a coma while waiting for an Indian food delivery.
After ordering from a popular Indian restaurant and take away near the gare, the man was rumoured to be waiting over two hours for the food to arrive.
Ambulance crews were called after neighbours became concerned and called the emergency services.
The man is said to be in a stable condition in a local hospital.
Nobody can confirm if the food ever arrived, but after Benelux News spoke with the restaurant over the phone, the restaurant said the food was on it’s way and should be another five minutes.
Benelux News will be the first to inform the public if the food ever arrives.
BENELUX NEWS 