Sighs of relief were felt across the country today, as bus companies announced that air-conditioning in buses will be available on some routes as an “optional extra”.
Despite Luxembourg being one of the richest countries in the world, the standard of air conditioning in public buildings and public transport remains a laughing stock when compared to other poorer countries who live closer to the equator.
Global media was going crazy today after Ed Sheeran and his Fiancee tied the knot.
The couple married in Windsor and could symbolise the end game.
A new scientific experiment has shown results that confirm tbat smacking the button at a zebra crossing repeatedly will force traffic to suddenly stop.
Results show that immediately after impatiently hitting the button, all drivers nearby will drop everything they’re doing and stop to let people cross the road.
Many summer holidays may be cancelled this summer after a number of sources say that, following last year’s catastrophe after Ryanair messed up the holiday schedules for pilots in 2017, which resulted in hundreds of cancelled flights.
According to sources, most of the staff have chosen to take most of the summer off and so many family holidays will indeed be cancelled.
Ryanair are of course denying all of this until the last minute.
Experts are warning should you wish to claim compensation, don’t bother as Ryanair will claim it was cancelled due to bad weather, despite the fact it was 30c.
Immobilières across the country are delighted to have a new range of bird houses released on to the market this week, after it was announced they could fetch up to almost 100k.
There will be two types available, from the luxury bird penthouses (90k) to the smaller green birdhouses designed for social bird housing for around 55k.
“At only €2,000 per cm2,” said Jean-Claude a local Immobilière, “we expect these to be sold in no time.”
“They can be built almost anywhere and totally inside of the nature, including options for quick access to forest walks. A jogger’s paradise.”
The new birdhouses are being marketed towards chirpy young couples with a taste for the great outdoors.
Mystery surrounds many shops in Luxembourg, between a mix of lazy service and rude shopkeepers, overpriced goods and just bizarre items on sale.
Benelux News has also come across several shops that sell absolute crap and somehow manage to stay in business after many years.
With rent so high for shops and commercial places, the general public seems to be completely baffled as to how they can afford to open the doors every morning.
In an exclusive interview with one shop owner, she said: “We have been winging it for almost 19 years now. I have no clue how we have done it. It’s usually just my friends who pop in to say hello. No customers really, apart from the odd guy looking for late, cbeap Christmas presents.”
How long they will last, only time will tell.
Xavier Bettel this morning proposed a new law which would see tax reforms come in that would make up for lost revenue from lack of bar and restaurant staff tips.
Under the new law, French cross border workers would be penalised when crossing the border by being made to put at least 2 euros into a tip box located at the side of the motorway where border posts are, or on the final train stations platforms just inside the Luxembourg borders.
A government spokesman said “The fact is that the French are well known for giving little, or no tips. With all the money they earn here, they should be tipping bar and restaurant staff much better, but they don’t. So we will reclaim that money at the border.”
News broke this morning that the new blue UK Passports will be made from hemp after Franco-Dutch company Gemalto revealed they will be taking care of production.
Brexiteers reacted furiously after news broke that the passports wouldn’t be being produced in some local shit hole factory in a strange northern town, populated by inbreds left behind after all the Polish people left.
It was revealed that the use of hemp was initiated after deciding to remind UK citizens of what they gave up with regards to having easy access to Holland and also to set off the border patrol drug searcher dogs at the airport, just to “rub it in.”
There are also plans to include Deli-France vouchers towards the back of the passport book that would give up to 20% discounts to coupon holders, but would make little difference as the prices would be increasing anyway.
Further reactions are unpredictable, as it was also revealed that production would take place in France.
French companies are currently recruiting as many French beret wearing, onion peelers as possible to work in production factories.
You may remember, back in December, Benelux News managed to get an exclusive interview with a woman who had been driving around Auchan car park for 3 days trying to find a space.
You can read the interview here: https://beneluxnews.net/2017/12/19/woman-enters-3rd-day-of-driving-round-auchan-car-park/
It turns out she has finally found one 3 MONTHS later!
Benelux News was again first on the scene and managed to get an exclusive interview once again.
“I knew it would happen one day,” said the woman. “My advice to anyone trying to find a space is just to stick with it.”
A Luxembourgish family are reported to have purchased an island in the Mediterranean for 18 million euros.
The Island, close to Ibiza and Formentera, was sold to the anonymous family just last week.
Benelux News sent their reporters down to investigate and try to get an interview with the island’s new owner who wished to remain anonymous for the time being.
“It was all a bit unexpected really,” said the husband.
“We were looking at apartments in Luxembourg City, but they were all too expensive. In the end, we thought ‘sod it’ and just bought an island. It still leaves us with enough to buy some furniture from IKEA, but we need to go onto the main island of Ibiza for that.”
BENELUX NEWS 