Tag: luxembourg

Doping scandal hits Duck Race as number of ducks test positive for performance enhancing drugs

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

Reports were released this morning as a number of ducks due to compete in the upcoming duck race in Luxembourg’s Petrusse, tested positive for ephedrine.

Luxembourg’s famous duck race has been held on the final weekend of April for many years and has proved to be extremely popular. 

But with the increase in popularity, comes added pressure to perform.

Up to 15 ducks are said to have tested positive and are likely to be disqualified as a result.

Local sports authorities are said to be investigating. 

More info as it comes. 

Hollerich officially files for independence

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life, Europe

The area of Hollerich in Luxembourg City has officially applied for independence on the same day as Brexit.

Plans are apparently in place for a “Las Vegas” type area with it’s own currency and economic system in place.

“The idea of Freedom For Hollerich (FFH) came about years ago.” Said one resident. “We always wanted to have a Vegas style area and for years we have worked on it. We wanted Casinos, Night Clubs and Hookers. So far we have the hookers and night clubs, all we need now are casinos. With current Luxembourgish law, we cannot have a casino placed in the area. So we are going for independence.”

The new currency, known as “Holler Dollars” has already been printed and is expected to launch onto the market with a high value.

More to come on this story, but Benelux News supports Freedom For Hollerich.

Police search for MISSING TEENAGER who hasn’t posted on Facebook for FIFTEEN MINUTES 

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

Police from all over Luxembourg have been called in to assist with the search of a missing teenager from Esch after friends and family raised the alarm after noticing she hadn’t posted anything on Facebook for over fifteen minutes earlier this morning. 

Over 30 officers are involved in the search for Chantelle Scheiss, and her Mother made a frantic appeal after she didn’t respond on Whatsapp either.

Her Mum said “During waking hours, she always posts about things that she is doing like eating food, watching the dog sleep, watching Deutschland Sucht Ein Supertalent or just breathing. This is not like her, so there is something wrong.”

“If you are reading this message on your phone, please let me know if you are ok with a smiley face or a ‘BRB’ or something.”
There is currently no recent description of Chantelle to publish, as her Mum hasn’t seen her face for 2 years as she always has her head down, looking at her phone.

All her selfies have been taken off her Facebook after someone commented about her fake tan.

If any one sees Chantelle or sees that she is online, please contact Police immediately. 

“Cash” the Dog reveals he was only in it for the money

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

Shock and surprise erupted in Luxembourg this morning after “Cash” the dog revealed he was only in it for the money.

The dog was employed by local police to sniff out drugs coming in and out of Luxembourg. However, the famous find of 280,000 euros was all part of the plan to get rich off the back of drug dealers passing through the Grand Duchy.

Such corruption is very hard to pinpoint, but after not receiving a cent from his coworkers, he has decided to come clean.

A full investigation has been launched into police corruption. 

Outrage as woman who doesn’t want dessert eats half of man’s dessert

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

There were scenes of silent outrage last night after a couple enjoying dinner for two in a restaurant.

After a delicious main course, the waitress asked the couple if they would like dessert or coffee.

The woman immediately claimed she didn’t want anything more as she didn’t want to eat anything sweet or fattening.

The man, who had been looking forward to a nice slice of cheesecake after the meal immediately ordered.

When the cheesecake arrived, the woman asked for a second spoon which is when the trouble started.

“I couldn’t believe it.” said the man. “First she said she didn’t want any, now she wants some.”

The frustration grew as the woman took several spoons of the dessert which quickly became half of the cheesecake.

“I was tempted to order a second helping.”

The man is currently calculating the best way to get around this issue in future.

Local man quits smoking… His own cigarettes 

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

A man from Belair surprised friends over the weekend by asking several times for a cigarette, despite having quit smoking weeks before. 

The announcement came in the new year when the man announced to his friends and family that he had decided to quit smoking. 

After much support from friends and family, people were surprised to have the man repeatedly ask for cigarettes during a drinking session in a city centre bar.

“It was unbelievable,” said one witness. “We ended up giving him at least 7 cigarettes over the course of the evening. It got very annoying.” 

When interviewed by Benelux News reporters, the man was still convinced he had quit successfully.

“It doesn’t count if I don’t buy them any more.” He said.

Gaston Vogel breaks land speed record travelling to Schifflange bomb site

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

A new speed record was broken this morning after news of an unexploded bomb in the small town of Schifflange, Luxembourg. 

Public reports claim there was a loud “boom” sound, which did not come from the bomb, but from Mr Vogel racing to the scene.

The famous lawyer, who is known for the famous ongoing “Bommeleer” court case is thought to have raced to the scene to finally catch who is responsible. 

He was reluctant to speak with Benelux News reporters, but seemed more concerned about who put the bomb there instead of celebrating his new world record.

Restaurants already preparing crappy, overpriced Valentines menu

by Benelux News, posted in Europe

Restaurants across Europe are already hard at work preparing crappy, half-assed menus for an overly inflated price. 

“We are already excited to get rid of the rest of tomorrow’s plats du jour,” said one restaurant owner not far from the Place D’armes in Luxembourg. “We basically just give them bad service, serve them a tiny main plate and follow it up with a massive plate of lousy ice-cream.”

When Benelux News asked if customers ever complain, she replied; “Customers complain all the time, so we just accuse them of being rude to our staff. It works every time. I’m surprised we are still in business to be honest.”

Lawyer arrested while ongoing investigation into BIL car park robbery

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

Benelux News was first on the scene as the lawyer of the man attacked in the BIL car park was taken into Police custody.

1.3 million euros was taken from a man as he walked out of the bank 2 weeks ago, by 3 men with baseball bats.

The lawyer was said to be nervous and acting strangely, which made witnesses suspicious when being questioned after the incident.

We managed to get just one sentence from him before he was put in to the cells.

“There’s no honour among thieves… except for us of course.”