Category: Daily Life

Bertrange residents evacuated after Cora / Del Haize peace talks break down

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

Residents were evacuated over night last night after peace talks between two rival supermarkets broke down in the early hours.

The official announcement was made at 2.55am with military force and aid workers arriving as early as 4.00am.

“People were panicking and understandably very nervous of the situation,” said one of the aid workers. “We are working around the clock to make sure everyone is safe from any harm.”

Initial reports suggest that a safe zone has been declared at the Aldi supermarket, which is located in the exact middle between the two supermarkets.

“Aldi is still a very neutral and safe area for the moment,” said one of the local residents who was evacuated. “We hope it will remain a safe place for us to be.”

Cheaper food supplies are being sold at Aldi, but stocks are limited. So shop carefully.

Benelux News will be the first with updates to this story as and when the emerge.

Grevenmacher: Marie-Astrid boat captured by Somali Pirates

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

Military personnel were alerted in the early hours of this morning, after Somali Pirates captured the Marie-Astrid boat while cruising along the Moselle river.

The local police chief said that negotiations are on going, with no clear reason why they strayed so far from Africa.

However some progress seems to be being made after a ransom payment offer of a few crates of Bofferding have been made. 

“The Bofferding offer went down well.” Said the Police spokesman. “We think it might just work.”

More on this story as it comes in.

Gare area man smashes world record asking for a cigarette 5,000 times in one day

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

A local man was surprised today to find out he broke the world record for asking for a cigarette from random strangers a total of 5,132 times in just 24 hours.

Television camera crews surrounded the man at about 4.30pm this afternoon, after news leaked that the record had been broken.

“I had no idea it was that many times,” he said. “Did I win a prize?”

He added that all it really took was dedication and always searching for new people to ask, whether they had a cigarette in their hand or not.

“The secret is to just ask anyone, regardless of if I was already smoking or not.”

Loud Americans manage to annoy entire restaurant 

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

Hungry eaters were left feeling frustrated last night after a group of American business men went for dinner at a city centre restaurant. 

The group of four men sat down at a table around 8 o’clock and made their presence very known. 

The group were talking and laughing loudly while they discussed various topics, all related to work and being in the office. 

Other customers quickly noticed how boring the conversation was, although it seemed to be very amusing to the American businessmen.

“They just talked about ‘the Boston office’ and some associate of theirs,” one of the nearby diners said.

“We knew they were truly stupid when one of the men asked for tomato ketchup with his prawns.” 

The restaurant was reported to drop several decibels in sound levels after the men had left.

Restaurant workers have been warned to keep an eye out for these men as a warning for possible future visits.

Supermarket woman with bad trolley skills to attempt to drive car home

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

On Saturday morning a woman in a large supermarket announced that she will attempt to drive her car home after annoying dozens of shoppers doing their weekly shopping. 

After displaying poor technical ability several times while in the fruit and veg section, she moved on to the meat section while getting in the way of no less than 7 people, eager to get their shopping done as quickly as possible. 

Benelux News reporters had arrived on the scene, shortly before she could reach the wine area for an exclusive interview. 

“I successfully managed to annoy several people just in the last 5 minutes, by cutting up people’s direction,” she said.

“I am looking forward to attempting to drive a car home and causing some near accidents as I go.” 

“The car park will be my first challenge, quickly followed by Saturday afternoon traffic jams.” 

Check your local radio announcements for traffic updates.

Sex pest bus driver goes on rampage through Luxembourg city

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

A lonely bus driver went on the rampage through Luxembourg city yesterday afternoon with a sign on the bus directing people to jump on the bus and kiss him.

The rampage started at the Hamilius bus stop and continued til the outskirts of the city.

Pedestrians were shocked as the bus passed them on the street and visually invited them on board to kiss the driver.

“E kuss fir den chauffeur” was displayed at the front and side of the bus, which sparked a public stampede towards their homes.

“We just ran for the nearest safe place,” explained one woman. “I ran into the nearest shop and they closed the doors. It was very scary.”

The bus driver has not yet been identified and Police are launching a manhunt.

More info as it appears. 

Workaholic can’t understand why colleagues are happy it’s Friday

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

A city centre office workaholic with no friends simply can’t understand why his colleagues are happy it’s Friday, it was revealed today.

The statement came as fellow colleagues were discussing weekend plans in the office during a coffee break.

“They were discussing what they are planning to do this weekend and someone suggested leaving a bit early,” the man said.

“It is beyond me how some people actually try to live their lives at the weekend. So immediately, I went through some old emails in desperate search of some work that could be done and keep them in the office longer, so it would distract me from my lonely, friendless weekend.”

At the time of publication, reports from colleagues suggested that some extra work had appeared out of nowhere and likely to keep them until at least 5 minutes after they are normally scheduled to leave the office.

Immobilier values kettle at €12,500 

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

One of Luxembourg’s top immobilier companies has decided on the value of a kettle at €12,500 yesterday, after the home owners decided to leave a few items behind.

The apartment is due to go on the market next week and hoping to fetch a huge price.

“The owners decided to leave a few things behind and so we valued them in addition to the property price to create more commission for us,” the immobilier explained. 

“By charging ridiculous sums of money for small things, we can hopefully add around €100,000 to the total property value.” 

Items included a kettle, some old knives and forks, a toothbrush holder and some old cushions. 

The property is expected to be on the market next week at some unrealistic price.

“We’re very excited about this,” said the salesman.

Boring work colleague did nothing exciting over the weekend 

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

A local man with no actual friends responded when asked about his weekend as doing “nothing much” for the 183rd consecutive Monday in a row this morning. 

The man who works in a large city office highlighted watering his plants and watching a bit of TV as his highlights while sipping his hot morning coffee. 

Notorious for having no friends, he said that he loves weekdays and is secretly dreading the coming weekend.

“I just don’t understand people who actually go out and live their lives properly on the weekend,” he said. “I hate even popping out the office for lunch.”

When asked about his coming weekend plans, he had no further comments. 

Man waiting for Controle Technique for 6 years

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

A local man from Howald has been found in a long line of cars after his wife reported him missing 6 years ago.

The man had been waiting for his car to be looked at by the Controle Technique in Sandweiler for the past 6 years, but the battery of his phone had cut out, so he couldn’t make any calls.

“It sounds crazy that I didn’t try to find another contact alternative,” the man said,”I just didn’t want to lose my place in the queue.”

“I survived by asking passers by for food and leftovers.”

He is currently hoping to have his vehicle inspected in the coming weeks and is looking forward to seeing his family again.