Tag: luxembourg

Lux family buys Island in Mediterranean because it’s cheaper than apartment in town

by Benelux News, posted in Europe

A Luxembourgish family are reported to have purchased an island in the Mediterranean for 18 million euros.

The Island, close to Ibiza and Formentera, was sold to the anonymous family just last week.

Benelux News sent their reporters down to investigate and try to get an interview with the island’s new owner who wished to remain anonymous for the time being.

“It was all a bit unexpected really,” said the husband.

“We were looking at apartments in Luxembourg City, but they were all too expensive. In the end, we thought ‘sod it’ and just bought an island. It still leaves us with enough to buy some furniture from IKEA, but we need to go onto the main island of Ibiza for that.”

Police launch search after photographing criminal with Lego camera

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

The year is 2018 and the Luxembourg Police force has appealed for help from the public to identify a criminal after being photographed by a Lego camera.

The man (we think) is wanted for fraudulently using a bank card at a local cash point.

A Police spokesperson said; “By releasing this picture to the public, we wanted to show this picture to the public to not only try to catch the criminal, but also to try to turn it into a fun game where the public can try to unscramble the right face through a bad picture quality. We know that the average smartphone can take way better quality pictures than this, but we want to keep our Lego cameras installed around the city and make the guessing game more of a challenge. “

Police stop international terrorist search to arrest teenager for small bag of weed

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

Luxembourg Police on Friday decided that they no longer can be bothered to seek out a possible international terrorist threat and instead pick on some local teenagers smoking a joint.

After some discussion between senior officers, it was decided that because nothing really terrorist related had happened, they would give some basic training to the Palace guards who could then “jump in to save the day if some shit went down”.

This in turn has freed up so much Police time, that teenagers seen to be smoking a joint are seen as as big a threat as a terrorist.

“Because of the use of cigarette lighters, we see this as a potentially explosive situation.” said a Police spokesman. “We cannot risk a joint attack.”

“We have trained the Palace guards to handle a terrorist attack so we can start bullying teenagers for their weed and lunch money.”

Teachers to be armed with access to turn off the wifi box

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

As harsh measures were brought in this week after Donald Trump said that teachers will be carrying guns following the mass school shooting in Florida, Luxembourg is taking no chances and will be providing all teachers nationwide with privileged access to all wifi boxes and internet connections.

The teachers will have the option to turn off the wifi at any time if they see any pupils becoming unruly or becoming distracted and posing a danger to the class.

“Concerns have been growing for some time about the general mental health of the young people,” said one teacher. “We stand a chance of losing an entire generation to Snapchat and stop dogs ears.”

Some people, mostly the younger generation, have considered the move one step too far.

Benelux News will keep up to date with all the progress as it becomes available.

Man turns into snow waiting for bus in Kirchberg

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

Emergency services were alerted this week after reports that a man waiting for a bus in Kirchberg turned into a snowman.

The man was reported to have been waiting for the 222 bus for a long period of time before eventually turning in to a real snowman.

Bus routes on the Kirchberg have been suffering severe problems since the introduction of the tram.

Authorities fear this may not be the last case and have urged residents to keep their eyes open for any pedestrians needing help.

Man presses bus stop button again just to be sure

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

A local man from Belair travelling in to the city made sure to press the stop button on the bus just to be sure the bus would stop at the next bus stop.

Despite another passenger already pressing the button just a few moments before and the “de Bus hält” sign already lit up, the man decided to press the button again believing that only his button push would actually motivate the driver to really stop.

In an exclusive interview with Benelux News, the man said: “It only counts if I press the button. Nobody else.”

Public start hitchhiking between Kirchberg and the City

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

Traffic problems flared this afternoon as members of the public decided “fuck it” and attempted to flag down cars in order to travel between Kierchberg and Luxembourg City.

Following the cancellation of various bus services between the two destinations, it would appear that several years of planning and building the new tram service has been a complete waste of time and money.

“Nobody knows what the hell is going on.” said one man. “It’s actually a lot simpler to just flag down a car and see if you can get a lift with someone.”

Benelux News is advising everyone who needs to travel for work in Kirchberg to simply not bother.

Desperate alcoholic refuses to drink free Fox beer

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

Shock ripped through the country today as a known alcoholic turned down a bottle of free Fox beer.

The man from Petange was counting through some loose change while walking in to a bar where a promotion for Fox beer was happening.

The so called “beer” was being offered for free by the bar staff partly because of a promotion and partly because they wanted to get rid of it.

Despite the alcoholic’s short money situation, he turned and went back home.

Benelux News caught up with the man at his home to ask him why.

“It tastes like absolute piss,” said the man. “I would rather drink from a sewer instead of that crap. Even American Budweiser tastes better than that crap!”

Woman who celebrated snow on facebook stuck in 3 hour traffic jam

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

As snow fell down on to the Grand Duchy this week, a woman from Grevenmacher celebrated by posting a picture of snow in her street and quoting “yay snow :)” before getting in her car and driving to work.

Benelux News can exclusively reveal that she is not so happy while sitting in a 3 hour traffic jam trying to get to her next destination.