Category: Daily Life

Hollerich officially files for independence

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life, Europe

The area of Hollerich in Luxembourg City has officially applied for independence on the same day as Brexit.

Plans are apparently in place for a “Las Vegas” type area with it’s own currency and economic system in place.

“The idea of Freedom For Hollerich (FFH) came about years ago.” Said one resident. “We always wanted to have a Vegas style area and for years we have worked on it. We wanted Casinos, Night Clubs and Hookers. So far we have the hookers and night clubs, all we need now are casinos. With current Luxembourgish law, we cannot have a casino placed in the area. So we are going for independence.”

The new currency, known as “Holler Dollars” has already been printed and is expected to launch onto the market with a high value.

More to come on this story, but Benelux News supports Freedom For Hollerich.

Police search for MISSING TEENAGER who hasn’t posted on Facebook for FIFTEEN MINUTES 

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

Police from all over Luxembourg have been called in to assist with the search of a missing teenager from Esch after friends and family raised the alarm after noticing she hadn’t posted anything on Facebook for over fifteen minutes earlier this morning. 

Over 30 officers are involved in the search for Chantelle Scheiss, and her Mother made a frantic appeal after she didn’t respond on Whatsapp either.

Her Mum said “During waking hours, she always posts about things that she is doing like eating food, watching the dog sleep, watching Deutschland Sucht Ein Supertalent or just breathing. This is not like her, so there is something wrong.”

“If you are reading this message on your phone, please let me know if you are ok with a smiley face or a ‘BRB’ or something.”
There is currently no recent description of Chantelle to publish, as her Mum hasn’t seen her face for 2 years as she always has her head down, looking at her phone.

All her selfies have been taken off her Facebook after someone commented about her fake tan.

If any one sees Chantelle or sees that she is online, please contact Police immediately. 

“Cash” the Dog reveals he was only in it for the money

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

Shock and surprise erupted in Luxembourg this morning after “Cash” the dog revealed he was only in it for the money.

The dog was employed by local police to sniff out drugs coming in and out of Luxembourg. However, the famous find of 280,000 euros was all part of the plan to get rich off the back of drug dealers passing through the Grand Duchy.

Such corruption is very hard to pinpoint, but after not receiving a cent from his coworkers, he has decided to come clean.

A full investigation has been launched into police corruption. 

Outrage as woman who doesn’t want dessert eats half of man’s dessert

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

There were scenes of silent outrage last night after a couple enjoying dinner for two in a restaurant.

After a delicious main course, the waitress asked the couple if they would like dessert or coffee.

The woman immediately claimed she didn’t want anything more as she didn’t want to eat anything sweet or fattening.

The man, who had been looking forward to a nice slice of cheesecake after the meal immediately ordered.

When the cheesecake arrived, the woman asked for a second spoon which is when the trouble started.

“I couldn’t believe it.” said the man. “First she said she didn’t want any, now she wants some.”

The frustration grew as the woman took several spoons of the dessert which quickly became half of the cheesecake.

“I was tempted to order a second helping.”

The man is currently calculating the best way to get around this issue in future.

Local man quits smoking… His own cigarettes 

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

A man from Belair surprised friends over the weekend by asking several times for a cigarette, despite having quit smoking weeks before. 

The announcement came in the new year when the man announced to his friends and family that he had decided to quit smoking. 

After much support from friends and family, people were surprised to have the man repeatedly ask for cigarettes during a drinking session in a city centre bar.

“It was unbelievable,” said one witness. “We ended up giving him at least 7 cigarettes over the course of the evening. It got very annoying.” 

When interviewed by Benelux News reporters, the man was still convinced he had quit successfully.

“It doesn’t count if I don’t buy them any more.” He said.

Gaston Vogel breaks land speed record travelling to Schifflange bomb site

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

A new speed record was broken this morning after news of an unexploded bomb in the small town of Schifflange, Luxembourg. 

Public reports claim there was a loud “boom” sound, which did not come from the bomb, but from Mr Vogel racing to the scene.

The famous lawyer, who is known for the famous ongoing “Bommeleer” court case is thought to have raced to the scene to finally catch who is responsible. 

He was reluctant to speak with Benelux News reporters, but seemed more concerned about who put the bomb there instead of celebrating his new world record.

Lawyer arrested while ongoing investigation into BIL car park robbery

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

Benelux News was first on the scene as the lawyer of the man attacked in the BIL car park was taken into Police custody.

1.3 million euros was taken from a man as he walked out of the bank 2 weeks ago, by 3 men with baseball bats.

The lawyer was said to be nervous and acting strangely, which made witnesses suspicious when being questioned after the incident.

We managed to get just one sentence from him before he was put in to the cells.

“There’s no honour among thieves… except for us of course.”

Local man googling about Superbowl in attempt to look knowledgable in the bar tonight

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

A local man has spent most of Sunday afternoon frantically googling about American Football in an attempt to gain popularity with his friends during the Superbowl.

Having had absolutely no knowledge about American Football before, he is determined to try to win over friends tonight, as some bars will  be opening extra late to show the game.

“I had no idea they use their hands with a football,” he said while taking a quick break from researching. “It just doesn’t make any sense at all. Why don’t they call it Hand Ball? I hope I can find enough knowledge on the internet or I won’t be able to appear to have a valid excuse to stay in the bar late tonight.”

As reporters left, he appeared to be practising his “yeah, I know all about that” facial expressions while pretending to become engrossed in what was on the TV screen.

We think he will do just fine.

 

Mass confusion as bankers jump around to Rage Against The Machine

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

There were scenes of irony and confusion in the city centre on Friday night as a group of bankers who had been drinking heavily after work jumped around while the DJ played Rage Against The Machine’s “Killing In The Name Of”.

“They had been drinking a lot all evening,” said one of the bar maids. “They had danced a little bit to some of the songs, but when Rage came on, they went crazy!”

Eye witnesses reported the use of throwing their middle fingers in the air as well as shouting along with the famous lyrics “F*ck you I won’t do what you tell me” extremely loudly as well as “huuuuuuuuuuh”

One witness reported the rebellious bankers then went home at closing time as soon as they were asked to leave and were heard to be talking about what time they had to be back in the office in the morning.