Tag: luxembourg

Motorway chaos as people walk from Luxembourg to Amsterdam to avoid KLM plane fares

by Benelux News, posted in Europe

Dozens of Police cars had to close off multiple sections of Belgian motorways this afternoon after hundreds of people wanting to go to Amsterdam were priced out of flying due to KLM’s sky high prices.

“We just wanted to go to Amsterdam for a couple of days,” said one man leading the first section of crowd. “The prices on KLM’s website were ridiculous, quoting €239 for a one way flight that takes just over an hour! We also looked at the possibility of a train, but that takes almost 8 hours. In the end we just thought f*ck it, let’s walk!”

Another traveller also commented, “we contacted KLM about the price, but they just fobbed us off saying that there are good prices if we search the website. But we found nothing under €239.”

Police are monitoring the situation to make sure all of the travellers successfully reach Amsterdam in the coming days, as support is growing fast for the group.

 

Local man googling about Superbowl in attempt to look knowledgable in the bar tonight

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

A local man has spent most of Sunday afternoon frantically googling about American Football in an attempt to gain popularity with his friends during the Superbowl.

Having had absolutely no knowledge about American Football before, he is determined to try to win over friends tonight, as some bars will  be opening extra late to show the game.

“I had no idea they use their hands with a football,” he said while taking a quick break from researching. “It just doesn’t make any sense at all. Why don’t they call it Hand Ball? I hope I can find enough knowledge on the internet or I won’t be able to appear to have a valid excuse to stay in the bar late tonight.”

As reporters left, he appeared to be practising his “yeah, I know all about that” facial expressions while pretending to become engrossed in what was on the TV screen.

We think he will do just fine.

 

Crémant voted better than movies as Luxair wings it to second place

by Benelux News, posted in Europe

The public was woke up baffled this morning after the news broke that Luxair had made it to second place in the world in a supposed public vote on the Edreams website in world airline rankings. 

The vote was based on a number of factors including in-flight entertainment, beating airlines such as Singapore Airlines, Qatar and Etihad.

Benelux News reporters were firstto get in the airport terminal this morning to interview travellers.

“I am still trying to find the movies, music, PlayStation and free wifi options on my seat.” said one regular traveller. “It must be a first class section secret, as I every time I ask for it, they just give me Crémant.”

The website, Edreams, said that it’s survey was based on 90,000 customers every year for the past 5 years.

It has also had legal action put against it for fraud almost every year for the past 6 years.

Scientists are also rumoured to be heading to the airport to try to find the in-flight entertainment on-board the aircraft.

Politicians call for Bettel to resign after croissants hit €1.30

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

Xavier Bettel’s ratings in local polls hit an all time low this morning after prices of croissants hit an all time high.

Some local bakeries are now selling croissants as high as €1.30, which has caused a public outcry.

Politicians have called for Mr Bettel to resign after the public voiced their opinion.

“It’s out of control now,” said one lady interviewed this morning outside her local bakery on the way to work. “On Friday I have buy croissants for the entire office. I just don’t know how I’m going to be able to afford it on my salary.”

Ministers will be meeting this week to discuss the future of the Prime Minister.

Luxembourg taxi driver already practicing longest and most expensive routes

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

An ambitious local taxi driver has spent most of Friday afternoon practicing the longest and most expensive routes all over Luxembourg in a desperate effort to show his boss how keen he is.

Jean-Pierre from Thionville failed at most jobs he had in life, but now he is a taxi driver and ready to take on the new role and hopefully climb his way up the ranks.

Having spent many hours learning roads and getting to grips with not driving just fast enough to make it through the next green light, Jean-Pierre is highly confident he can take on the country’s weekend taxi crowd.

“Like this I can drive whichever way I want and hope that my passengers are too drunk to notice.” Said Jean-Pierre. “If they say something about the route, I just make myself sound dumb, point at the Sat-Nav system and blame that.”

Jean-Pierre hopes to apparently “get all the money out of the Luxembourgers’ pockets” and become a Limousine driver one day. We at Benelux News are not so convinced.

Local authorities have recommended to anyone going out this weekend, please don’t use local taxis and use late night buses.

If the late night buses are no longer running, just go have a drink somewhere until the first bus or train. It’s cheaper and you have the best adventures that way.

 

City Shopping Bus to replace bigger buses during rush hour

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

New proposals were put forward on Friday morning to replace current single deck buses with the smaller City Shopping Bus during peak periods.

With current buses already at full capacity, just how far can this trend go?

Benelux News team were the first to speak with a spokesman. 

“We have been running buses with a single part during morning rush hour for some time now,” said the spokesman. “We wanted to see just how many people we could cram into a small space, while providing big double buses for the barely used village routes because the villagers like to spread out a bit.”

If the project proves to be a success,  mini “shuttle” buses may also be considered. 

INL research team finally launches international language website 

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

The International School of Languages in Luxembourg have made a breakthrough decision to relaunch their website in multiple languages.

The new website will feature a choice of 5 languages and users will finally be able to navigate around the previously badly designed piece of crap they called a “website.”

A spokesman said “Who would have thought the general public wanted a multi lingual website for an international language school?! After hiring a well renowned investigation and PR team at a very expensive price, we can now accommodate more students and actually make it look worthwhile.”

Inscriptions are now being taken at www.insl.lu

Entire bar freezes to death while “considerate” man holds door open for girlfriend 

by Benelux News, posted in Uncategorized

Outrage erupted from the clientele of a city centre bar today as a man trying to act considerately, held the door open for over a minute, while his girlfriend said good bye to some friends.

The incident happened just after lunch, after the man’s girlfriend started talking to some friends she bumped into just after finishing their meal.

As they had to leave to get back to the office, the man stood by the door and held it open in an act of selfish consideration while the rest of the clients froze.

“The feeling throughout the bar was one of absolute hatred and disgust,” said one of the clients. “We still hate him, even hours after.”

Bar visitors have been advised by the government not to be complete muppets duting the winter season. 

Boy traumatised after listening to EldoRadio

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

A young boy was rushed to hospital earlier today after accidentally tuning in to EldoRadio. 

It is understood that he listened to an entire hour of music before collapsing on to the floor.

The boys mother immediately phoned for an ambulance and accompanied him to the hospital where he will remain for the coming days under observation. 

It is thought he suffered damage to his ears and emotional well being.

“He was fine until the music started,”  his mother said. “As soon as David Guetta came on he started to shake and eventually collapse.”

More tests are due to be carried out this week.

Taxi company teams up with Immobilier to charge according to social status of residential area

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life

Bad news for taxi users this week, as it was announced that new prices are to be introduced that fit in line with the area that you live in.

Luxembourg’s leading taxi company has teamed up with a leading Immobilier company to fix the prices based on which area is more highly valued in the housing market.

“We had a lot of problems with the new taxi fare transparency subject recently,” said a taxi spokesman. “We needed to find a way to reduce prices, but still be able to rip people off. So we put our heads together and came up with this.”

To put this in to perspective, if you live in Belair, you would be charged as much as 10 euros more than a journey of the same distance but just across the road in Merl. We asked the taxi company how that can be justified.

“It’s simple,” said the spokesman. “Belair has kind of a famous name and property can cost a bit more there. So we milk the residents there for everything they have got. Also the Fresh Prince lived in Belair many years ago, which is kind of famous still. So we will go with that excuse for now.”