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Daily Life

Barbecue CANCELLED after vegan confirms attendance

A much anticipated barbecue scheduled for this weekend has been called off after a vegan confirmed her attendance on facebook. Up to 40 friends were expected at the event near Limpertsberg. The facebook event was advertised as “open to anyone who brings food”. The invitations quickly spiralled out of control as personal SMS messages were sent between the vegan and […]

Europe

Brexit set to be top excuse for not paying Christmas Bonus

Employers around the world are delighted to be given yet another excuse for not paying a Christmas Bonus to employees this year, after the new market uncertainty related to the Brexit situation. “For years now, we have been using various excuses which have just been sounding a bit old”, said one American Corporate manager. “We used the 9/11 excuse for […]

Europe

Britain kicked out of EU early to save european Nightlife

After the Brexit vote for Great Britain to leave the European Union, Jean-Claude Juncker and fellow politicians have decided not to wait for Article 50 to be signed and have decided to remove the UK early, stating risks to European Nightlife across all member countries. “We have many Brits still living in the EU” said Mr Juncker, “before these people […]

Daily Life

Supermarket payment queue held up by complete idiot

An express checkout at a supermarket in Kirchberg was in chaos earlier today after a shopper carried out a number of steps to ensure that their transaction generally went as slowly as possible. Shortly after 2pm at Auchan in Kirchberg, a 76-year-old man approached the checkout operator with a copy of The Letzebuerger Wort and two litres of semi-skimmed milk, and witnesses described a […]

Daily Life

French bankers talking extra loud in bar

A group of French bankers were talking extra loudly in a bar on Thursday evening after work in order to make people think they are successful. The three men arrive every day in Luxembourg after travelling from Thionville and Metz, and after a hard day in the office, like nothing more than to go out and show everyone around them […]

Europe

Belgium to give away driving licences in breakfast cereals

Belgian authorities this week have given the go ahead for driving licences to be given away free with limited edition boxes of breakfast cereal. The controversial move was inspired by studies of various driving qualities across Wallonia and Flanders regions which should see many new drivers speed up the licensing application process to the national standard. Unions showed anger towards […]

Daily Life

Boring couple to buy apartment next to Nightlife area

A young couple wanting to settle down and get prepared for children have decided to buy an over-priced city centre apartment, currently being constructed 5 metres away from a popular Nightlife area. The area is home to many bars, clubs and restaurants and has been there since over 100 years. Costing over 650,000 euros, this apartment venture seems to be […]