Category: Europe

All cross French Border workers to be fumigated

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life, Europe

Luxembourg ministers announced that all cross border workers coming from France are to be fumigated upon entry to Luxembourg.

Upon receiving news that the bedbug crisis in France is spreading, Luxembourg authorities announced that all cross border workers from France will face a screening test and necessary spra fumigation.

Local residents supported the move by voicing their concerns over French attitudes with their behaviour in Luxembourg as well as failing to tip in bars and restaurants.

The bedbug scandal is just the latest in a string of events which has dempaned Luxembourgish attitudes towards the French and in some extreme cases, has lead to a view of a complete ban on French people altogether.

Luxair Celebrates 1 Million Unanswered Emails

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life, Europe

Luxair staff celebrated yesterday evening and the system passed 1 Million unanswered emails.

Staff were overjoyed at the lack of people they had to reply to, by simply ignoring them.

“It’s so great,” said one employee in the customer service department. “Even if it’s really urgent, we just don’t bother answering at all. We assume the customers will then try to take the phone route, but then we don’t even answer those either. And if we finally do, we make it sound confusing like they somehow got through to a back office by mistake. It’s so much fun.”

The celebrations were also being felt in the internal departments.

“We know that there are people trying to get answers who are actually part of our company and network. We know they are trying to help us and need answers from us urgently, but we just ignore them too!”

Luxair is hoping to break the record next year and is currently on course to hit 5 million unanswered emails and double the ignored phonecalls.

Benelux News emailed the press office for an official statement, but we are yet to receive a reply.

Lux Tram to be extended to Dubai

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life, Europe

Luxembourg transport minister, François Bauch, announced today that plans to extend the Luxembourg Tram network as far as Dubai have been approved.

Work on the extended tram lines is expected to start next year and will continue as far as 2031.

Funding for the tram extension was approved by the government and received extra praise from Prime Minister Xavier Bettel, who regularly enjoys visits to the UAE, with or without travel restrictions.

Based on travel times around Luxembourg City, the total distance travel time is hoped to be less than 3 years between Kirchberg and Central Dubai.

French Hunting Season opens in Luxembourg

by Benelux News, posted in Daily Life, Europe

French Hunting Season has officially opened in Luxembourg, allowing local residents to legally be able to go hunting for frontaliers crossing the border for non essential reasons.

Officials are hoping to slow down the spread of Covid 19 by allowing such measures and hopefully allowing some entertainment during these difficult times.

The decision to open the season came after record numbers of French and Belgian “Covid Tourists” flooded over the borders for non essential shopping. Restaurants reported being completely full, however they received record lows in terms of tips.

Luxembourgish and French police launched border operations that included helicopters, in order to catch perpetrators crossing the borders on small roads.

After witnessing some scenes, officials have now announced the start of French Hunting Season and hope that this will serve as a deterrent.

Anyone who happens to have a successful hunt, is encouraged to stuff and preserve the catch and hang it on a wall, maybe as a decoration that the family can enjoy at Christmas.

Belgians to face 14 day quarantine, unless they bring beer

by Benelux News, posted in Europe

Belgians visiting Luxembourg are to face a 14 day quarantine with the exception of Belgians bringing beer into the Grand Duchy it was announced today.

As from next week, every Belgian traveller must bring at least one 6-pack of good Belgian beer in order to have open travel inside of Luxembourg.

Ministers are still deciding which beer is required, but rumours are that Chouffe and Vedett will be accepted.

Growing concern Covid19 could mutate into Man Flu

by Benelux News, posted in Europe

Leading experts are facing growing concerns that Covid-19 (Corona Virus) could potentially mutate into Man-Flu within the next six months.

The virus has shown symptoms of becoming far stronger than originally thought and could progress into something far more serious, threatening the worlds male population.

Although many doubt that the Corona Virus could reach such strong measures, some are getting prepared early.

Families around the world are being asked to stock up on hot chocolate, tea, chocolate biscuits and haribo.

Should such an outbreak occur, wives and partners are being asked to stay on red alert.

Paris riots could be cancelled due to Corona virus, experts warn

by Benelux News, posted in Europe

The weekly Paris riots could be cancelled due to fear of the spread of the Corona virus.

Experts have warned that rioters could spread the infection through gathering in large groups.

However, riot organisers have argued that they already wear masks to many of the events and have assured authorities that they will thoroughly wash their hands before throwing molotov cocktails and setting alight to cars.

Marc, who normally riots on a Saturday afternoon said “If there are too many people gathered who could spread the Corona virus on the weekend, then maybe I will consider rioting on a Monday when there are less people on the streets.”

Talks are still underway.

EU police start deporting Brexit Brits

by Benelux News, posted in Europe

Police forces across Europe today started a Europe wide round up of Brexit Brits and sending them home.

Police forces in Amsterdam, Ibiza, Prague and many others began the raids at around 5am this morning in preparation for the UK’s official exit from the EU at midnight tonight.

Countries who had experienced particular troubles with “Brits Abroad” including football hooligans, stag nights and English yobs were particularly eager to get rid of the idiots who creep onto the continent due to lax laws on immigration into the Schengen zone.

Starting on 1st Feb 2020, there will be a visa system in place to keep the idiots out, with France even considering bricking up the entrance to the Channel Tunnel towards the end of the year.

“Certain measures will be in place to keep out the idiots”, said a Police spokesman. “We fully intend to keep out Barry and the lads from Clacton-On-Sea, as well as Kev and Darren and their 20 pints challenge.”

Crowds of local residents gathered in various cities to applaud the work of the Police.

 

Hot weather gives legal right to drive like an idiot

by Benelux News, posted in Europe

Audi drivers rejoiced this morning after it was announced by local governments across Europe that the hot weather provides a legal excuse in order to drive like an idiot.

In a rare situation where BMW drivers were able to agree with Audi drivers, it seems that having the roof down and playing extremely loud reggaeton music is temporarily legal for a brief period of time while the sun shines brightly down on Europe.

Cutting corners and being a road hog with also be acceptable during the summer months.